Page 15 of Murder/Love


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Carrie

My “yes”hangs in the air, filling up the room, then dissipating in an instant. Why should I have choices here? I didn’t have choices at home. The aching, throbbing need between my legs isn’t giving me a choice, so why should he? My yes is everything and nothing. I wonder if it matters at all. You’re a prisoner of your own device, a voice whispers in my head. I try shut it out. I didn’t come here willingly. You didn’t say no, the voice reminds me, you didn’t protest and you haven’t even tried to run away. Jeremy’s asking for permission when could do anything to me. You want him to do everything to you. The voice inside my head is right, but I still hate it. Jeremy’s hands rest against my knees, warm. I look down athim.

“What would happen if I say no?” The question pushes its way out of my mouth before I can control it, stop it, push it back behind my teeth keep it where it belongs. Asking questions of Jeremy will never lead anywheregood.

His hands tighten almost imperceptibly on my knees. Almost. Jeremy tilts his head. Those dazzling green eyes are darker with lust. Not bright like emerald’s but dark like the green of a lush forbidden forest. If this were a fairy tale, the princess would be frightened, would fear to live this next moment I’m trembling, but it’s not from fear. Well, not only fromfear.

He leans back and regards me quietly for a moment. I can feel my heart hammering in my chest, speeding up as his silence fills room heavy like molasses. His eyes that hold medown.

“What do think would happen?” Jeremy asks, removing his hands from my knees.

I immediately miss his touch. I want the warm solid weight of his hands on me again. Without those hands to anchor me, I feel lost and adrift on a sea of longing.

“Nothing?”

“Yes, my darling, Carrie. Nothing.”

He leans back, the warmth of his body further from me, and he looks away for a moment. I lean forward, no longer held captive by his gaze. In my moment of freedom I seek to be recaptured. More silence in which I ache and struggle for breath, waiting for his next words as if they’re life and death to me. Maybe theyare.

When Jeremy finally speaks again, his voice is serious as death. “Carrie, you must understand. There are certain things,” he pauses, “there are certain things I even I won’t do. I would never hurt you and I would never take from you what isn’t given to me with absolute willingness.”

“But you could?” I say. Because he could have taken what he wants a hundred times over by now; because he’s bigger and stronger; because I couldn’t stop him if I wanted to; because I don’t want to stop him; because I’m wet and I can feel the tremble in my things and the ache in my cunt; because I think if he doesn’t do something to me I’ll die; because it’s the truth and Jeremy said honesty was important.

He leans forward and I don’t lean back. I want to be close to him. I’m feel like I’ll go mad waiting for his touch. His hands return this time, landing on my thighs, and it’s such a sweet relief. I’ve kept my thighs spread just the way he wanted them. I feel the heat of his hands though the thin silk of my dress. He gives a wicked grin, one corner of his mouth turning up. It makes my stomach flip and heart skip a beat. That grin sparks a fire in me because it’s a dirty promise that I want him tokeep.

“I could.” he says, the dark timbre of his voice making me shiver as his hands move, sliding my dress up my legs, careful to keep the fabric under his hands. He’s tormenting me, he’s wicked and I’ve never wanted anyone so much. My dress is pushed up around my hips and his hands rest there.

“I could,” he repeats, licking his lips. I follow the movement of his tongue with my eyes, and my pussy clenches with need. “I could do so many things to you, sweet Carrie. Things that would make you shiver with delight. Scream with ecstasy.” His eyes drop down between my open thighs, were my tiny lace thong is clinging to my soaked lips. “Things that would leave you dripping with anticipation at my next touch. But I won’t do any of those things unless you allowme.”

I’ve never felt so weak and so powerful all at once. Jeremy could break me so easily, but he says he won’t and I believe him. Am I crazy? I don’t know. I can’t think. I can barely breathe because his words have set fire to mind, burning up every thought that isn’t yes please touch me. He leans his cheek against my bare thigh, his stubble scratching against the sensitive skin there, and heightening my arousal.

“So,” he says, “I’ll ask you again. MayI?”

“Yes,” I say, nodding my head so rapidly it must appear comical, but Jeremy doesn’t laugh. He would never laugh at me, not like… I push the thought of my classmates away. I can’t think about them now. They don’t matter. They never mattered. And Jeremy is so close to me, now. If I could just move another inch, his mouth would be right where I need it, but his grip on my hips has tightened and I find I can’t move atall.

I know he must be able to smell me. He’s so close and the scent of my lust is filling up the room. My scent is overwhelming the scent of fruits and chocolates and wine, the way desire is overwhelming me. Jeremy inhales deeply, like the smell of my arousal is aroma of arose.

“I love the scent of you. So ready, just on the verge,” he says. “You smell of desire, and I know that to taste you will be to taste divinity.”

And just like that, just with those words, my pulse is pounding. He hasn’t even touched and I feel on the edge and strung out, like an addict in need of fix. My chest heaves and the movement causes my nipples, diamond hard with arousal to brush against the fabric of my dress. I bite down on my lip, hard. The pain gives me something to focus on, a momentary grasp of control on the wild desire beating in my chest like a caged bird trying to escape.

Jeremy breathes out a warm exhale against the damp scrap of lace that barely covers my pussy. Without thinking I spread my legs wider. I know he can see every part of me, the lace of my thong has slid between my outer lips. He breathes against me again. He’s teasing me, and it’s the sweetest torment I’ve ever known.

I know Jeremy is dangerous. I know he could kill me, break like a porcelain doll and toss me away and no one would care. But I know he doesn’t want to do that. If he did, I’d be dead. No, Jeremy wants to taste me, savor me, consume me, devour me. Somehow, that’s more frightening than if he wanted to hurt to me. It’s not that I want to hurt, but…it’s just that I’ve never been desired, loved. Does he love me? Is that what this is? Another inhale against me steals the thoughts from my mind and the breath from my lungs.

“Has anyoneever—”

“No. Nobody. Only me.” I say before he finishes the question.

“A virgin in every sense of the word, then. Touching yourself alone in yourroom.”

“Not just my room,” I say, my voice trembling with lust and desire. I don’t know how I’m going to stand another moment of him not touching me where I want it most. My legs are shaking and he strokes a hand down my trembling thigh. It’s a gesture meant to soothe me, but it only makes me tremble more. He raises and eyebrow, waiting for me to saymore.

“In thecar.”

“Thecar?”

His words ghost across my center and I squirm in hisgrip.

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