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Banner starts running his hand up and down my arm. “Do not take this the wrong way, because I hate the fucker just as much as you, but back then, he was irrational. He was on too many drugs and wasn’t thinking clearly. I know it doesn’t excuse what he did to you, but I think—well,hope—he’s owning up to his mistakes.”
I tried telling myself he attacked me because of the drugs, but deep down inside, Darren has a dark side. Can he redeem himself? I’m not sure. I’d like to hope I’m the kind of person that would think so, that somewhere inside of me, I can find forgiveness. But after everything he did to me, took from me… it’s all too fresh. He’d have to do something seriously redeemable to prove to me he’s changed, and that in a few months, when his probation period is over, he won’t turn back to drugs—if he hasn’t already.
I shake my thoughts away, not wanting to think about this anymore. It will just play on my mind until I finally manage to sleep, conjuring up different future scenarios.
“Can we talk about something else? I can’t deal with any more and talking about it won’t help. It will just keep going around in my head until I find a solution that will deal with it. At the moment, that’s impossible, because I’m going to avoid him at all costs.”
“Of course,” Levi says.
“Anything.”
“My roommate got hammered and shit the bed after eating some bad Chinese food,” Banner blurts out, falling back against the sofa.
We all turn in his direction, pausing for a moment before bursting into laughter.
“Well, that wasn’t random and awkward at all,” Levi tells us, chuckling.
“I can’t be arsed to cook. Does anyone want a particular takeaway?” Mark asks.
“Not Chinese,” Banner and I say, not after hearing about his roommate.
We glance at each other before laughing.
“Pizza it is,” Levi laughs, getting up to grab his phone.
“I’ll go grab some drinks. Banner, do you want a beer?” Mark asks.
“Yeah, go on then,” Banner replies.
Once he’s out of the room, Banner shifts so he’s facing me. “I know you want to forget everything for a bit, but I need to know if you’re really doing okay. That was a lot to digest,” he says, his forehead creased.
“I’m not sure. I have you guys, though, so I know I’ll be fine in the end.”
“No, you’d be fine whether you had us or not. You’re the strongest person I know,” he tells me, shocking me speechless. “Whatever happens though, I’ll be here. I’ll always be here.”
It’s moments like this that I question his feelings towards me. One moment he acts like he’s a friend, then the next, he’ll say something so incredibly sweet, and it makes me wonder if he has feelings for me too; more than just being my friend.
My feelings run deeper, and not because he was there for me at the worst time of my life. I fell for his touches, his smiles, hearing him laugh and talk. I fell for the person he is and for the person he makes me believe I can be when I’m around him. He makes me feel special, like a mythical creature.
I glance up from my lap, swallowing past the knot in my throat. “I know you’ll be there. I’m lucky to have you.”
He expression relaxes, his gaze never wavering from mine. “I’m the lucky one.”
Something passes between us, shifting in the air, neither of us looking away. He moves—I move. But before anything can happen, Levi and Mark walk back in and the pull between us breaks.
“Food’s on its way,” Levi says, sitting down.
“Here you go,” Mark says to Banner, handing him a beer.
Banner clears his throat, taking the beer. “Thanks,” he tells him hoarsely.
Mark turns to me. “I got you a Vimto.”
I smile, taking the can from him. “Thanks, Mark.”
“What movie do you fancy watching?” he asks, walking over to the row of DVD’s.
I can’t look at Banner, but I can feel his stare on the side of my face. “I don’t mind. Just nothing too gory.”
