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She sighs. “I wouldn’t normally do this, but you’re the only friend I’ve seen him with. If anyone asks, though, I didn’t give it to you. I’d go check on him myself but I’m on my own here now.”
“It’s fine, and I won’t. I need some fresh air, anyway. Thank you.”
“It’s my pleasure. Let me know if he needs us to cover his shift tomorrow.”
“I will.”
I end the call and finish getting ready. I’m still bleeding, so I’ve been comfortable in leggings and my graphic T-shirts. I pull CJ’s hoodie over my head and grab my phone and keys.
When I find him, I’m going to shake some sense into him. Friends are there to support each other; ours is not a one-sided friendship, and he’s been here for me through a lot.
The flat is empty as I walk out, but I send another text to CJ, letting him know I’m popping out and won’t be long.
By the time I get to my car, I’m already tired and achy. Tina’s message pops up, and it doesn’t take me long to enter his details into my satnav.
I guess I’m going to see where Alex lives. Finally.
Let’s just hope I’m not intruding when I arrive, and everything is okay with his nan.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
TWO HOURS EARLIER
CJ
When I was younger and found out what my mum went through, and that I was the product of rape, it made me see life in a different way. She showed me every day how to live life, how to move on from those things that can destroy you. Thanks to her, I lived life to the fullest.
She went through something horrific, something most women can’t move on from—understandably so—but she did it. She showed me what it meant to be strong, that it doesn’t always mean how much weight you can lift, but how much strength you can find inside you. My mum, to me, is the definition of strong.
I fucked around a lot as kid—and not just messing around with my friends. I’ve fucked a lot of chicks. What can I say; sex is my thing. I’m good at it. And I’m not one of those lads that brag. In fact, I’m the complete opposite. Why? Because I know I get the girl I’m with, off. More than once. I didn’t discriminate; I loved all girls: curvy, thin, tall, small—it didn’t matter to me. I never once mistreated any of them or promised them something I knew I would never give. I was always upfront and honest. And I liked it that way. I liked not having the commitment of a girlfriend.
All my life I’ve been worried I’d turn out like my sperm donor, somehow hurting those around me. So, I stayed away from any kind of relationship. I didn’t want to taint someone else.
Then I laid eyes on Allie Davis.
My cupcake.
I’d only been a few feet away from her and I could smell the yummy baked goods instantly. I wanted to devour her. She had the most intoxicating scent I’d ever smelled. That’s what first drew me to her, had my body moving unconsciously towards her.
She was dressed so out there, funky, her own little style, and she rocked it. She looked fucking hot, but sexy and sweet at the same time. I had a boner every time I thought of her.
But it was her relentless attempt to avoid my advances that made me try harder. It was refreshing. She’s been the only person in my life, apart from Cole, who has seen me for me. Everyone else sees the cool guy they want to hang out with or want to be. They see someone who won’t amount to anything, other than a fuck up, when in reality, I’m a fucking genius and will go far. They just don’t see it.
She did.
She saw past the exterior. It may have taken for me to argue with her over English literature, but she never underestimated me after. She didn’t jump at my every whim and cater to me. Having her in my life was like the sun on a rainy day.
What I hadn’t expected was that I would fall helplessly in love with her. At first, I wanted to fuck her. Then the days went by, and I saw different parts to her. I found myself enjoying her company. It didn’t take long for me to fall head over heels. She has this way about her; you can’t help but love her.
I didn’t realise loving someone so much would once again change my views on how to live life, though. I viewed almost everything differently. No longer did I want to go out and get so drunk I wouldn’t remember anything of the night before the next morning. No. Instead, I wanted to spend every waking moment with her, whether it was to watch her work, read, or sleep.
And I’m man enough to admit I’ve watched her sleep—to the point it’s considered creepy. But when she sleeps, her face is still, her expression peaceful, and I get to see another side to her. When I admired her in that position, it made me realise just how lucky I was to have met her and have her love me back. I never wanted to fuck it up. Ever. She’s the best thing to ever happen to me.
However, I didn’t need to worry about something I did fucking things up. Just being CJ would do it. My past has put her in danger. She just doesn’t know it.
When we woke up this morning, I planned on spending the day with her in bed again. The doctors said she needs at least a week’s rest before she does anything too strenuous. Anything other than going to the toilet and watching TV, to me, classes as too strenuous.
After Allie woke me up in the dead of night, crying out in pain, I’ve barely been able to breathe or think. I’ll never get her pleas or cries out of my head. I never want to see her in pain like that ever again.
