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“Will you be able to tell me if he drugged me? I need to understand why I don’t remember.”
“Yes. We’ll run some bloods to check for flunitrazepam, other drugs, and test your alcohol levels. Let me go get the examiner. She’s lovely. I promise you’ll be in great hands.”
I nod, my body shaking. When she gets up, I reach out for her, stopping her. “These are my clothes. I haven’t washed them or anything. I put them in the bag as soon as I realised what I needed to do.”
“That’s good, Willow. Really good.”
“Do you need me to call your friend?” Cole rumbles as the door closes behind his mum. I turn to face him, my lashes lowering from exhaustion.
“No. I just… I don’t know how to tell her. I don’t want her seeing me like this. I’m so sorry you have to,” I tell him.
He doesn’t owe me anything. Hell, he hardly knows me. Yet he’s sitting here basically holding my hand while we wait for a nurse to do a rape kit. It doesn’t seem fucking real. But something about having him here is making me feel safe.Hemakes me feel safe.
“Okay, but you need to tell her. And you don’t need to be sorry,” he tells me gently.
“This is the most I’ve heard you talk,” I blurt out, and I watch his lips twitch and his eyes soften.
The door opens, and his mum and another woman walk in before he has a chance to say anything. They ask me about my health history and take other routine details. It’s when they get to the next set of questions that I start to feel as ifI’mon trial. They ask me when my most recent consensual sexual activity was, and Jackie explains it’s for DNA evidence. I don’t take any notice. It’s already mortifying enough. But then they start asking me more questions about what happened, wanting more details, no matter how many times I tell them I don’t remember. It gets too much when they start asking where he touched me, where he kissed me, which leads to me screaming, “I don’t know”. They’re asking me questions they know I don’t have the answers to. In the end, I tell them where I hurt and where I know he touched me when I woke up.
Not long after the questions are done, Cole is asked to leave the room. I don’t argue with them. I know what’s coming, and I have to use all my strength to fight back tears. With each probe and touch from the nurse, the more I fall apart.
By the end of the examination, I feel belittled, debased, humiliated, and degraded. I’ve never wanted something to end so badly in my life. I’m just glad when five hours later, I’m allowed to leave. I need the comfort of my own bed, my own surroundings.
*** *** ***
We’ve been silent since Jackie came back a few hours after the exam, explaining the sustained injuries caused to my vagina. I didn’t think I could feel more mortified than I already did, but I was wrong. I also tested positive for the date rape drug and my alcohol levels were low.
A part of me was still holding out hope that this wasn’t real, but that hope was torn away from me when Jackie revealed the test results to me. I had been praying that this was all a nightmare and that at any second, I would wake up from it. None of what has happened feels real, not when I let myself really think about it all or think about Logan being the one who did all of this. It’s like my mind is trying to fight against the inevitable truth.
I’m so lost in thought, I don’t realise we’ve pulled up outside our block of flats until Cole’s hand slowly lands on my shoulder, causing me to jump.
“I need to go somewhere, otherwise I’d walk you up,” he says, not meeting my gaze. His jaw is hard, his hands now gripping the steering wheel so tightly, his knuckles have turned white.
“Okay. Thank you. Thank you for calling your mum and for being there for me,” I tell him honestly, my voice void of any emotion. The exam took the last bit of strength I had left in me so I’m ready for sleep.
He finally turns his head my way, his eyes gazing into mine. They’re blazing, a dark shade of blue, his pupils dilated and the black in them standing out so much it’s scary.
“Never thank me. Never! I’m glad I could be there for you. I’ll drop by later to check on you?” he asks. The way he says it, it doesn’t seem like he’s really asking but informing me he’s dropping by later.
I nod as I reach for the door handle. “Oh, your hoody,” I remember once I’m out of the car.
“No, you keep it,” he states quickly.
“Thank you,” I sigh, thankful to have his scent surrounding me. Taking in a deep breath, I go to shut the door, but he stops me, calling my name. “Yeah?”
“Your keys.” His lips are tipped down as he hands them to me over the seat. I take them, giving him a smile before slamming the door shut. He peels out of the carpark before I even have the chance to get onto the curb or wave goodbye. I turn back in time to see the back of his car screeching away.
I’m glad to find the lift is working. I would never have made it up the eight flights of stairs. I’ve been on the verge of falling asleep on and off all day, but my thoughts plagued me, keeping me awake. I don’t think even they will keep me awake much longer, I’m that exhausted.
Shuffling out of the lift with my head down, I don’t see Alec until it’s too late. He’s sitting on the floor, his back against the front door, and tears threaten to fall. I can’t deal with him right now.
“Please go,” I tell him, my voice dead but calm.
He doesn’t say anything as he moves to the side to let me open the door. I can feel the rage coming off him in waves. I don’t want to hear him rant and rave about me going to Logan’s. I already feel bad enough and it was obviously the worst decision I’ve ever made.
Turning around when I’m inside the flat, I brace myself, ready to explain to Alec that I don’t want to talk. I just want to shut the door and go to bed. He doesn’t wait for me to talk or explain, he just barges right in, shoving me to the side. My mouth gapes open in shock.
Last night, when he left angry, I knew he’d need time to cool off, but he looks just as pissed as he did when he left last night.
