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“Oh, Allie, I wish you would have told me,” I declare.
“I wanted to. You don’t know how many times I’ve gone to tell you. Every time you were with him, I wanted to rip you away from him, except I didn’t want you to hate me. I never thought you would believe me. Mum engraved it in my head that you wouldn’t believe me, and it was a cancer inside me that began to spread. She said you’d hate me for it in the end. She made me believe he meant more to you than I did, and when I saw you together, I guess I believed it. When I finally understood what my mum was doing, it was too late.”
“I’m sorry,” I cry, leaning in and hugging her.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I could have stopped this, stopped him. It’s all my fault,” she sobs, her tears soaking the side of my face.
“No, Allie, it’s not. It wasn’t fair of me to imply otherwise. What I said last night… I’m sorry. Everything just got to me and became too much. Logan raped me,” I grit out. “Alec hit me. Then I found out that you and Mum knew him, like really knew him, and what he was capable of. I felt like you put me in the line of fire.”
“Your mum found out through my dad. I don’t know how or why, but she did. My dad never signed the form, nor did your mum. When he got it out ofmymum, he warned yours. Logan’s parents threatened to sue us if they didn’t sign the non-disclosure agreement. My mum couldn’t have that. She knew they’d take every penny. Your mum never wanted to sign it. In fact, I’m pretty sure she thought it was two kids messing around and it got out of hand.”
“I hate him,” I choke out. I never thought I’d say those words about Logan. Still, I mean them with every fibre of my being. “I hate him so much.”
“It’s going to get better. I don’t know how, but it will, because I’m going to help you through this. One thing I know he enjoyed was breaking me. Yet he didn’t, not really. I’m me. You’re you, and he can’t take that away from you.”
“I don’t know how I’m going to move past this, Allie. I feel empty inside. It’s like he’s torn out my soul. Nothing feels real anymore. So much has happened and I don’t know what I did to deserve it. There’s a picture, you know.”
“A picture?”
“Yeah, one of me and Logan in bed together. He took it at an angle where it looks like I’m hiding my face in his neck and not passed out from the drugs he spiked me with,” I tell her, and oddly, I feel numb telling her. It doesn’t feel like that happened to me because I don’t remember it. It’s the same with the rape. I may have felt the after effects, but I don’t remember him violating me, so it doesn’t feel real.
“Oh my god, Willow. We need to go to the police. We need to tell them everything,” she says, her eyes pleading with me. “Please, Willow. I know it’s a lot to ask of you, but you can do something I couldn’t. You can put him away.”
“How? I doubt anything will come up from the rape kit because I was stupid and had a shower,” I tell her.
“You had a rape kit done? On your own?” she asks sadly, guilt washing over her features.
“No. Cole’s mum was with me, and Cole. Not for the exam, but for most of it. He found me outside arguing with Logan. God, Allie, it was like he morphed into someone else right before my eyes. I kept praying to myself that somehow, this had to be a mistake, and maybe what he said was the truth. But then he turned into someone I didn’t recognise and it got heated. Cole stepped out and kicked him off our floor.”
“Why didn’t you call me?” she asks, sounding hurt.
“I didn’t want anyone to see me. I was such a mess, Allie. Just thinking back on yesterday, it all feels like a nightmare. Everything that happened is like a blur in my memory,” I admit, shaking my head. “I don’t remember what happened to me but deep down, a part of me does.”
“And your face… Alec did that?”
I nod. “Yep. Seems Logan wasn’t the only one I was blinded by.”
“You weren’t blinded, Willow. You just see the good in people, that’s all. Logan’s a good actor. He made me think for a year that it was all me. He made me believe I asked for it, and in his words, ‘begged for it’. That is how much of a good liar and a manipulator he is.”
“He said the same thing to me—that I ‘begged for it’,that is,” I say softly, feeling bile rise in my throat. “What if he’s done this to other girls?”
“I don’t know,” she says, but the wariness in her voice tells me she’s thinking the same thing I am. There could be other girls out there who are too scared to come forward. All because he manipulated them into thinking no one would believe them.
“I need to report him. Jackie, Cole’s mum, said that they hold the evidence until I’m ready to press charges. Yesterday, I just wanted to be at home and in bed, but he can’t get away with this. He needs to pay for what he did to me.”
“And he will,” Cole promises dangerously, standing in the doorway of his bedroom with his arms crossed over his chest.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The police took my statement, and after, they took Cole’s as he was a witness to mine and Logan’s altercation outside the flats yesterday morning. They left but not before explaining that they would be in touch after getting the results back from the rape kit. They also warned me to stay away from Logan. I promised them it wouldn’t be a problem. I inwardly scoffed and I had to bite my lip to stop myself from snapping a sarcastic remark at them for even implying something so ridiculous.
The only thing I’m worried about now is the picture floating around uni. CJ and Cole have already had it forwarded to their university email account, but the police said there’s nothing they can do once it’s out there. It didn’t make me feel any better or safer. That picture is out there for anyone in the world to see. Just thinking about it makes me want to go throw up the cup of coffee I managed to swallow down earlier.
CJ lets himself into the flat like he lives here. With a laptop in hand and looking deep in thought, he makes his way inside. I haven’t told Allie what Cole told me about CJ this morning. It isn’t my place to tell anyone. His presence means a lot to her though. I can see it. Whatever he said to her this morning when he confronted her over what he heard, it must have made her see him in a different light. I’ve noticed the stolen glances she’s sent his way whenever she thinks no one is looking.
He left shortly after the police did, saying he needed to check something out. It’s why I’m surprised to see him back so soon. He sits down on the sofa, nearly sitting on my mum’s lap, causing my lips to twitch a little. It’s the first sign of emotion other than anger and sadness that I’ve showed. I was beginning to think I’d never feel anything other than those two things again.
The numbness is still there. However, with each passing moment of being surrounded by loved ones and friends, it’s getting easier to breathe. I’m just afraid of what will happen when that numbness wears off. Will the pain become too much to bear?
