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Oh, no! Please, no!
It’s like living my nightmare all over again. I turn to Cole’s mum, Jackie, with a stricken look.
“Why don’t I have my leggings on?” I ask, my voice hysterical.
“I took them off,” Jackie assures me quickly, her hands reaching out to grab my shoulders, the movement causing me to stare in her eyes. “They were covered in mud, Willow. I promise, nothing has happened.”
I keep my gaze locked on hers, trying to steady my breathing and calm my racing nerves.
“I don’t understand,” I croak out after a few seconds, watching everyone’s worried expressions. I hadn’t noticed CJ even walk into the room, that’s how out of it I’ve been.
“You blacked out, Low,” Cole informs me gently, sitting by my side on the bed.
The second he’s near, the strangest thing happens to my body. It turns completely lax, and any fears I suffered with seconds ago, fade away.
Flopping back down on the pillow, I let out a contented sigh, feeling more relaxed. My dream is no longer haunting me the way it did when I first woke up.
“Um, are you okay?” Jackie asks, glancing between Cole and I with a bewildered expression.
“Yeah,” I sigh, a headache forming at the back of my eyes. “What happened?”
“Like Cole said, you blacked out by the car. Don’t you remember?” Allie asks, concerned.
I shake my head slowly, but then I remember the rugby game, Christie, and everything rushes back to me all at once, giving me a headache. I rub at my temples, trying to rub the ache away.
“Christie. She came at us,” I grumble, my focus on Allie, but then everything that happened in my dream comes back to me. The feeling of being trapped, suffocated, belittled, and Christie insulting me, hits me at once. I have to choke back tears. She was there, right there in front of me, and didn’t pick up on anything. She had been too self-absorbed, solely focused on the thought of lads. If she had paid any kind of attention, she would have seen what was really happening in front of her. Anyone in their right mind could see I was there against my will.
“Oh God,” I gasp, my eyes flicking to Cole. “She was there that night. I remember… A memory, I’m not sure, but she was there, calling me names. Logan had me in his lap,” I tell the room, feeling bile rising up at the back of my throat.
“It’s okay,” Cole soothes. He moves to lean against the pillow beside me, and when he does, he pulls me into his side.
“So, itwasa trigger,” Allie murmurs sadly, and I remember her telling me the same thing earlier on at the field.
“Trigger?” I ask, my nose scrunching up. My gaze returns to Jackie questioningly.
She nods in agreement. “After sexual abuse, many women have flashbacks. A certain smell, like body odour, or a particular tone of voice or certain words can be a cause. It could be someone’s touch, and sometimes it can be hard to make out what’s a memory and what’s fantasy.”
“It was her, and her voice. She was such a bitch to me, like she didn’t care what happened to me because I was beneath her. I felt it more than saw it in my dreams. Her voice was as clear as yours is right now,” I admit, still shaken up.
“Now that you know what one of your triggers is, you’ll be able to control them better. You’ll know when you see her next that she will stir bad memories for you. You’ll be able to calm yourself and steady your breathing. Just make sure to keep repeating to yourself ‘it’s not real, you survived, and it’s over’. Just fight against them. Keep your eyes open, look around, smell the air, or touch someone close to you, anything to bring you back to reality. You’re such a brave young woman, Willow. I believe in you. I know you can get through this.”
“Thank you.” I smile, wishing so badly I felt the strength she clearly sees in me.
A look of regret passes over her face as she looks between me and Cole. “I’m sorry to rush off so soon, but I need to be getting back to Mia. She’s not feeling well,” she explains.
“I’m so sorry,” I tell her, hating that I’m the reason she’s been pulled away from her sick daughter. Knowing Mia is alone without her mum makes me feel like shit. I know from experience the only thing that can make a girl her age feel better when they’re sick, is their mum and her bed. It’s like her bed has superpowers. I’d always feel a little better the minute I got into my mum’s bed. “I hope she gets better soon.”
“Thank you. It’s just a sickness bug. Hopefully, she’ll be okay within a few days. I’m just glad we already cancelled the holiday.”
“You didn’t say anything to me about that,” Cole declares accusingly.
She chuckles. “It’s not a big deal, son. We got the dates mixed up with school and work, so we’ll have to go when she has her next school holiday.”
“Bet Mia isn’t happy about that.” CJ chuckles from where he stands against the doorframe.
Laughing now, Jackie answers with a wide smile. “No, she isn’t. She threw a fit.”
“Will you need me to babysit?” I ask, feeling excited and hopeful at the chance of some normalcy.
