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Kova’s Valentine Letter
True Story Book Blog hosts a segment in February that contains love letters from fictional characters to their significant others. These are original works submitted by the author, then posted to the blog.
Kova’s letter took two painfully long weeks to complete. He’s an extremely closed-off character and doesn’t want to be intruded on. Pulling feelings from him was a challenge I hadn’t anticipated. However, I found I liked the challenge of unraveling him and I looked forward to it.
Despite the internal struggle, this love letter will always hold a special place in my heart. I was able to unlock a part of who Kova is and see just how deep his feelings ran for Adrianna.
This love letter written from Kova to Adrianna was originally published on True Story Book Blog. I later decided that I would add it toBalance. Originally, it wasn’t part of the plot.
Lisa, True Story Book Blog owner, was one of the first beta readers forBalance, and she left me with over twelve hundred corrections.
You read that right. One thousand, two hundred comments. On a first draft beta file. We laughed for a while over that one.
Six years later, I’m still applying Lisa’s same invaluable suggestions to the novels I write.
My Dearest Adrianna,
This Valentine’s Day I find myself thinking of you more so than ever, knowing full well that it is beyond immoral.
Most days I am not sure what to do with myself. I am sick, angry, and, most of all, guilt-ridden for wanting you in ways that I should not. I hate myself for it. I am disgusted by it, and I know it is wrong on so many levels. There should not be a fire that simmers within me every time my fingers grip your body in an effort to train you. Appalled over my thoughts does not even scratch the surface.
I have tried desperately to stay busy, to not look in your direction when you are working with another coach, but I have failed miserably. You are always there—on my mind, in my view.
But the worst part of all? Some days I do not give a shit that it is wrong. Some days I allow my thoughts to wander off and pretend that you are really not underage. Because I have seen the way you look at me. I know deep down you want me just as badly as I want you. My body comes to life with a craving so unfathomable at the wishful thought of your innocent tongue caressing my skin, your timid hands roaming my body. You have created a profound ache that I cannot seem to sate. Your iridescent, green eyes captivate me. Your drive to never give up, no matter how much I push you down, inspires me. You thrill me. You make me want so much, to take a chance and see what happens.
It would be the sweetest sin to have even just one kiss. But one kiss would lead to another, and another, and then my hands would roam your perfect, youthful body…
And I am afraid I will not be able to stop myself. I want to feel your lips pressed to mine, your naked flesh on me. Our heat infused sex saturating the air as I take your tight body. This does not even touch on the things I feel and want to do to you all the while knowing it is so wrong. Morally wrong. Improper. Not to mention, forbiddingly against the rules…and law.
Jesus Christ! You mess with my head, and I cannot think straight whenever you are near. You, my sweet Adrianna, are pure temptation. I know I should not want you. I should not be thinking of you in this capacity, but I seem to have no self-control when it comes to you.
Oh, but the repercussions would be so worth it. I would even let you set the pace… At first.
See what I mean, my sweetness? I am all over the place, I cannot think straight. And if I do not release this need pulsing inside me, who knows what will happen.
I hate that I think of you in this way, that you do this to me. It is not ethical. I am a man who can only take so much.
I wish I could give you this letter so you could see the inner turmoil that I am harassed with on a daily basis, but I cannot take the chance. I could lose everything if someone found out.
For now, Katja will have to do. But I am not sure how long I can suppress this need I have for you.
K
The following deleted scenes are either snippets that no longer fit the plot, moved the series forward as a whole, or there was a shift in the characters’ growth and personalities and the scene no longer aligned with them. Sometimes an idea just doesn’t work, and it’s removed. These outtakes are not a full-length story.
The next several entries between Kova and Adrianna are from the notebook they secretly shared.
The notebook was a way to introduce Kova’s point of view, but also for Adrianna to get a better understanding of him. It was somewhere Adrianna could talk to Kova privately without anyone finding out. Or so they thought.
The entries were originally placed in between chapters and spread throughout the series. However, that placement broke the flow of the story, so they were deleted and some were reused elsewhere.
Tell me something people don’t know about you.
I love cotton candy.
I’m serious.
As am I.
