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Dismissed. Like he couldn’t be bothered.
I got his message loud and clear this time and quietly retreated to my bedroom. I tossed and turned for the rest of the miserable night until I finally fell into a soundless slumber, without my water.
By early morning, my swollen, bloodshot eyes mirrored Kova’s.
We didn’t speak much. There was nothing left to say. I was at fault and it gutted me. The last thing I wanted was Kova upset with me.
We left my condo and stopped at his house so he could wash up. I knew Katja wasn’t there, so I sat on the couch while I waited. I had no idea where she was, and I didn’t care enough to ask.
His phone beeped nonstop. Text messages flew in one after another. I couldn’t read them since they were written in Russian. I wanted to ask him what they were about, but it wasn’t my place. Not when he was clearly upset with me.
Men had it so easy. It took Kova all of eight minutes before we were back in his car and heading to World Cup an hour before anyone was due to arrive.
The ride to the gym was quiet and sullen. There was no awkward tension between us, just a different kind of silence, one of shame and understanding. He’d barely looked in my direction, but I could feel how tense he was under all that muscle. I didn’t get it. I thought we were okay. But something had flipped in the middle of the night and I didn’t have a clue what or why he would refuse me.
I’d pushed too far.
In my defense, I thought he wanted me to since that’s what we’d always done. I’d been lost in the moment and wanted more of him. Always more. I was greedy for Kova, and I didn’t know how to turn it off. I wanted more of his touch. More of his scent. More of just him. I liked being around him for reasons I couldn’t explain. We’d had a hold over each other so powerful we had never granted each other mercy in the past. He had always given me what I needed when I needed it, but nothing more. Never more, which was why I didn’t believe he truly wanted me to stay away.
I sighed, drained by my thoughts.
Avery was right. I was reckless when it came to Kova. I didn’t think I was, but now I was starting to see it myself.
I frowned. Had I really not noticed before now? Avery was hours away and could see it before I had, and it took a defeated Kova for me to see it. I couldn’t figure out what that meant though.
Once I settled in at the gym and got my practice gear, I stepped onto the floor and smiled to myself as I took in my surroundings.
I breathed the chalky scent into my lungs and inhaled deeply. It brought me a sense of serenity and centered my mind.
Everything faded away and my worries rolled off my shoulders. Later I’d overthink. Right now, my heart was somewhere else.
Gymnastics. Elite. Olympics.
Fuck. My. Life.
My foot and calf felt like hundreds of tiny ants were biting into me. My toes were stiff and swollen. My knees wobbled so much, I wasn’t sure I could stand.
After Kova and Ethan leisurely took their time working on my foot together, Ethan taped it up with the sports tape I was so fond of saying would produce more blood flow and promote healing. I was nervous to stand on my legs. I’d rather soak in an ice bath for an hour or have Hayden scrub my rips than ever go through this again.
I sighed inwardly and turned over to sit up. The life of an elite athlete came at a steep price.
“I would stay away from running right now, and take the rest of the day off,” Ethan said.
My wide eyes snapped to Kova, then back to Ethan. “I have practice.”
“There’s no way you’re practicing today,” Ethan responded. “The first few treatments are the worst. You need to go home and rest your leg on ice packs for the remainder of the day. If you’re concerned about missing practice, then I suggest you guys schedule treatments on half days or maybe end a little early. Come up with something that works for both of you. Yes, there will be a time when it can be done in between training, but I am highly advising against that right now.”
My jaw dropped. “Kova?” I questioned.
“You heard Ethan. Doctor’s orders. Go home, and we will talk later.”
I lowered my eyes, my voice matching my icy glare. “But he’s notmydoctor. Or my coach.”
Ethan pulled back. His chin dipped at an angle, and his brows hit his hairline. He shot a peeved glance at Kova, then said to me, “I may not beyourdoctor, but I’ve been doing this longer than you’ve been alive. I know what I’m talking about. Any doctor would tell you the same thing—go home and ice it. It would be ill-advised to do anything else, not to mention, just plain stupid. I’ll be here for your next session, so don’t get cute with me.”
I clamped my mouth shut, aggravated. Glaring at Ethan, I held my palm out to Kova.
“May I borrow your phone, please,” I said, still staring at Ethan. I decided I didn’t like him anymore.
