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I frowned, squinting at her. “You do not want our son?
“Of course I want him, Kova.” She shrugged helplessly, unable to meet my gaze. “Deep down I think I wanted another girl.”
The space between my eyes relaxed. I softened. She loved to do all these frou-frou things with the girls. That was what she called it, anyway. I still did not understand the definition of frou-frou. The English language was confusing.
“You did? You wanted another girl?” She nodded. “Our girls are going to be so protective of him. Wait until you see how they act.”
She sniffled. “That’s not it.”
Pulling back, I glanced down again, begging her to tell me what was bothering her so I could fix it.
“Tell me what it is that worries you.”
“I just…” she stammered, her chin wobbling before she burst into tears. I wrapped my arms around her. “I just… It just hurts to name him after my dad when he’s no longer here anymore. I thought that if we had a girl, then I wouldn’t have to do that. He wanted a grandson so bad, you know? And now all these feelings are back and I’m really upset. I want a boy, it just hurts is all.”
Her tears were falling faster now and I had nothing but my shirt to offer to her. So I lifted the hem. She wiped her eyes and then sniffled.
Frank had gone into cardiac arrest three months ago and passed away suddenly. Adrianna thought she was good at hiding her grief, but I saw it every day and mourned her loss with her.
He loved all his granddaughters equally and spoiled the shit out of them, but he wanted a grandson. He wanted to teach him how to golf and watch sports with him.
I remembered like it was yesterday. We were having lunch on his vast patio that overlooked the ocean when he said he was a changed man after Mia was born. Adrianna had joked that first he did not want us to be together and now here he was telling us to have more kids. He had given her a remorseful grin with nothing but love shinning in his eyes for his daughter.
“It’ll be a boy this time. Mark my words,” Frank stated.
“No way,” Adrianna responded, her hands propped on her hips.
Frank leveled a stare at her. “You really don’t think you’re going to have a boy this time?”
My wife shook her head. “No. It’ll be another girl, because that’s just our luck.”
All Frank could do was shrug and look over at his granddaughters, who were jumping on the inground trampoline he had installed for them. He loved those girls as much as I did.
Frank turned his attention to face me. His eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong with you that you can’t make a son?”
“Dad!” Adrianna yelled and playfully slapped him. “What’s wrong with you?”
All I could do was shrug my shoulders and tell him the truth. “I ask myself that question every day.” Frank let out a lively laugh. “Do you have any idea what it is like being trapped in a house with five females? I could use some testosterone.”
Frank straightened when he actually thought about it before he let out another cackle. “Make a deal with me,” he said.
I paused. Fuck. I had no choice but to say yes.
“What is it?” I asked.
“If you have a boy, I want him named after me. Either his middle name or an extended name to include my family too. If you have a girl, I would like you to name her either Sofia or Francesca.”
Not what I expected from Frank. Considering we had already named four kids, Adrianna and I agreed to allow him to name our fifth pretty quickly.
Frank had been thrilled we were done popping out kids, as Avery once called it. He aged ten years every time Adrianna was pregnant and was nothing but a stress case. At times I would go as far as to say he was worse than me. I understood his feelings all too well though, which was why I had put my foot down after this pregnancy. The problem with Adrianna was that she had a lot of love to give and she did not know when to stop. She also had Joy for a mother, and so I think that has to do with her wanting more kids and giving them what she lacked from her parents.
Frank had been terrified he was going to lose Adrianna after the emergency transplant surgery. It had gotten worse when she was pregnant with the twins. He began calling me for updates. It took me back to the days when she was training and Frank would call me weekly after her diagnoses. Adrianna did not know about the calls and I never told her. It would only stress her out to know her dad was worrying.
The calls were private. It took a lot for Frank to phone me as often as he did, given our history. I respected the hell out of him for it and did not take any of those moments for granted. Little by little, Frank let go of some of the grudge he was holding on to toward me. When my mother passed away, I separated myself from the only family I knew. I was the son of an uncle who raped my mother, and I wanted nothing to do with them after how she was treated. That was not family in my eyes. Adrianna and my daughters were my only family. If Frank wanted to be part of our lives, he was more than welcomed to. I wished he would.
Frank never fully forgave me, not that I blamed him.
“I just can’t believe we finally get a boy and he’s not here. It’s so unfair.”
