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Kova:Do you really think I would do that?
Lucia:Fine. Maybe I’ll lighten it up a bit. Tell me about the first time you called Adriannamalysh. Were you aware of how pivotal a moment it was? Because regardless of whether it was an accident or not, there was still some kind of emotion behind the word for you to speak it.
Kova:(groans embarrassingly) Not at the time. In Russia, “malyshka” is more like a comfort word, an endearment. Kind of like the way Americans say “honey” or “babe” in a conversation. I had developed a familiarity with Adrianna that when I said it, it was as if I had been calling her the nickname for years. It was purely accidental. It should not have slipped from my lips, but I cannot say I wished it had not.
Lucia:Was the first time you kissed her an accident too?
Kova:No. That was purely intentional. I had been fucking dying to taste her, to feel her tongue on mine. It was all I could think about for weeks with the way we were dancing around each other. I wanted her as much as she wanted me. When Adrianna appeared in the gym that night while I was on the rings, I had no idea she had been there. It was a complete shock, a fly by your seat moment between us. It could not have been a more perfect time.
Lucia:So you knew that night you were going to kiss her?
Kova:No, I did not know. It just happened, and I did not fight it. I knew we would not get caught.
Lucia:You took advantage, you mean.
Kova:I am beginning to think you did not write the book. When two people connect, age is not a factor. It is not a thought in the mind and obstacles do not exist. Especially when they are both consenting, willing persons. The wrongfulness of it is what intensifies the chemistry and heightens the pursuit. It is a thrill. Do you think I did? That I took advantage? I need to hear this.
Lucia:At times, yes. But that night? No.
Kova:(looks puzzled and still)
Lucia:Wait. You knew it was coming? That it was going to happen eventually? That you would kiss at some point?
Kova:(hesitates like he’s contemplating his answer)
Lucia:Fuck. Fuck!
Kova:(sighs dramatically) Is it fair to say we both knew it was coming?
Lucia:That’s not what I asked.
Kova:I considered her age. I did. Many times. We had a private moment and it escalated.
Lucia:Then you just didn’t care. Is that it? Because if you had, I imagine you wouldn’t have begun a sexual relationship with her. She was your gymnast. She was under your care. Are you unable to admit it was wrong on your part?
Silence fills the air. This time I allow Kova a few moments. I didn’t start lightly with the questions. They aren’t easy to answer, even if it is in the past and they are married with children. Prior to the interview, Adrianna spoke to me on the phone and said Kova hopes to brush over the paint he was colored in. He confided to his wife that at times he feels as if the letter engraved on his chest is a scarlet letter.
Kova:I know what you want me to say.
Lucia:Oh yeah? What’s that?
Kova:That I was wrong.
Lucia:Do you think you were? As her coach?
Kova:(ponders in silence for a moment) Let us get back to this question, yes?
Lucia:For fuck’s sake, Kova. I’m trying to help you.
Kova:Let me try it this way. Did I want to kiss her? Yes. Did I want to fuck her? Yes. Did I want to kiss every inch of her body all damn day and night? Yes. Was I planning to make any of it a reality? No, never. Hell no!
Lucia:But what did you think would happen after you kissed her?
Kova:Definitely not what transpired, that is for sure. It was highly inappropriate. But that was not going to stop what was already in motion. It was late at night and the gym was closed. No one was around. Really, we had the perfect opportunity to not get caught if something forbidden was to happen. Adrianna had been testing me and testing me, so I decided to show my hand. Did I think it would go as far as it did? Never. Should I have stopped it before it happened? Yes. (mumbles under his breath in Russian) Was I going to stop it? I wanted—Fuck! I washungryfor her. The attraction was a mutual thing in my eyes.
Another round of silence fills the air. A touchy subject is coming to light, one that requires an abundance of patience. Kova doesn’t blink as he stares across the table. He’s got a flare in his green eyes that says he’s not done. He takes a sip from his glass, then empties it.
Kova:Once I had her, I wanted more of her.
