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“Mind telling me what the hell you think you’re doing?”
Jesus, he seems even grumpier about all this than I expected. I pull open a filing cabinet, riffling through the folders until I find the forms Raine will need to fill out tomorrow if, no,whenshe takes the job.
I hold up the forms. “I think I’m doing paperwork, like I said.”
I try to keep my expression serious, hoping to convey the part ofvery logical business ownerconvincingly. But it’s no use. I’m awful at it. Nina says I haveresting imp facebecause I always look like I’m planning mischief.
What can I say? Life is better when you don’t take it too seriously.
For being brothers, Ollie and I aren’t much alike. Perhaps it’s all the time we spent apart, or maybe it’s the ten years between us, but I’m convinced we would’ve turned out opposites no matter what. Ollie’s intense. He takes almost everything seriously. Whereas I treat every interaction as if it’s some sort of game. Probably because everything feels like a game to me. On bad days, it feels like a game with nonsensical rules. Rules I know don’t actually have consequences, but rules I have to follow nonetheless. It’s exhausting.
So on the good days, I have as much fun as I can.
Ollie crosses his arms over his chest. “Quit acting the maggot, Jackie, you know what I’m talking about.”
I tip back in the office chair and prop my feet up on the desk.
“And for Christ’s sake, keep your fecking feet on the floor. We have to share that, you know.”
I sit upright again with a sigh. “Why so touchy today, Ollie Wollie?”
He gives me an incredulous look. “Because my smartass brother is hiring random people off the fecking street without so much as asking my opinion.”
“I didn’t hire her off the street. I hired her from within the pub.”
Ollie drags his hands over his face. “All right, fun’s over. Tell me what you think you’re doing offering that girl a job.”
“There’s not much to say. She’s perfect for the job. So I offered her the job.”
He stares at me, then closes his eyes as if praying for patience, which is probably what he’s doing. I’d guess he’s running through the Serenity Prayer in his head. Mum was always muttering it when we were kids. I bet he’s thinking the words so fast he doesn’t register asingle one. I could never pray it like that. I have to pay attention to every single word. I have to get them all right. Otherwise it might not count, or worse, something bad will happen. Even now, I feel my pulse pick up. I focus onnotthinking the opening line to that prayer, because if I do, I’ll have to say the whole thing, and I’ll have to say it right, and I really have better things to do right now.
Ollie lets out a slow sigh and opens his eyes again. “How’s that girl perfect for the job? She’s a busker. She’s not even from here. She doesn’t know the first thing about us or the pub.”
“Now, now. Don’t go talking about your future employee like that.”
“Myemployee? No, Jackie. You hired her. She’syouremployee. Does she even have a résumé? Did you run a background check? Call her references?”
“It’s on my to-do list.” I snatch a pen and a Post-it note from the desk and jot down a reminder to run a background check. I pause, then add,Rare Gibson guitar, Ireland sticker on back.
“You needn’t bother adding anything to your to-do list. She’s not working here. Hire someone else.”
I toss the pen onto the desk. “Ollie. You sat through the interviews today. They were awful.”
“I wouldn’t go so far as to call them awful.”
“They wereboring.”
“So what? I don’t see why we need someone in the first place. Why change the pub? Business is... fine.”
He says the last word like he knows he’s full of shite. Which hedoes, because heis. I spin a slow circle in the office chair, halting once I face him again. “You already know this isn’t the life I wanted, but it’s the one I have. It’s killing me to be here every day, living right above this place, when it still feels like it’shis, you know? It’s been five years, and even though we’ve taken down most of his stuff, it’s just...” How to explain? Our father is dead, but it doesn’t always feelthat way. I don’t hate my life here in Cobh, even if it wasn’t what I’d have chosen for myself. And yet... I still feel as if I am living the lifeDawanted me to live. Running the pubDawanted me to run. Living in the flatDawanted me to live in. All I want is to feel calm and in control for once in my life.Mylife.
But it’s impossible to feel any sort of peace when I’m still haunted by the ghost of a man who once sprained my wrist because I left the milk out overnight.
But if anyone can understand, it’s Ollie. “I want this to beourpub. I want to change things, but... I don’t know what else to do. And you, my dear big brother, as wonderful and, dare I say, cheerful, as you are, have enough on your plate. We’ve just got too much baggage to do this on our own. We need an outside perspective. Someone who doesn’t have a connection tohim, or this place, or you, or me. Now’s the perfect time. It’ll be easier for Mum if we do it while she’s away on holiday with Ed. And Raine is perfect for the job, even if she doesn’t look it on paper.”
Ollie sighs, and I can tell I’m wearing him down. “You sure you and that girl don’t have a connection?”
“Well, of course we’ve gotsomesort of connection, but not in the way you’re thinking.”
