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Jack
Looks like you wore him out.
Raine
Nah, I think I bored him to sleep. I’m a very underwhelming human.
Jack
I doubt it.
Something about the sound within the flat catches my attention, and I remember I’ve left the tap running. I make it to the bathroom and turn off the water just in time to keep the tub from overflowing. I let a bit of the water out, my heart racing at the near miss. I’ve hardly had the place to myself for an hour, and I’m already courting disaster.
Crisis averted, I undress and slip into the water. After setting my phone on the edge of the tub, I take the book in my hands. The note from Jack peeks out at the top.The Shock of the New, I think, tipping my head back to rest against the edge of the tub. That would be a good title for a song. Too bad I don’t have my guitar.
And speaking ofnew, if I am going to be in this new place for a while, it’s the perfect opportunity to be New Raine. New Raine reads every evening instead of scrolling on her phone for hours. New Raine does yoga in the morning and eats a balanced breakfast at a table instead of a half-frozen waffle as she’s rushing out the door. New Raine always puts her keys and phone in the same place. New Raine doesn’t have to sayI’m sorryso much.
A reset is exactly what I need. A fresh start. My time here will be a trial run of this new and improved version of myself. All I need is a plan. I’ll type one out right now and start tomorrow.
When I pick up my phone, I find a text from my sister. I hope she’ll say something about coming to visit, but it’s just a link to a one-pan chicken-and-veggies recipe. Perfect. I give the message a thumbs-up. New Raine will go to the grocery store and actually make this recipe before the veggies rot in the fridge, because New Raine not only cooks, but cooks meals withvegetables.New Raine eats however many servings of them you’re supposed to have in a day. (Something New Raine needs to look up.)
I open my notes app.New Raine’s Morning Routine, I type. Tomorrow, I’ll be a better version of myself. Someone who doesn’t lose important documents inside of shoes, or leave the bathtub running, or talk to cats when other people are around.
I’ll show Jack that he isn’t wrong to believe in me. I’ll showmyself.
Eight
New Raine manages to stick around for two whole days. And then, despite living directly above the pub, New Raine manages to be fifteen minutes late to work. Because believe it or not, simplywritinga morning routine is not enough to make me a new person. Believe it or not, I have to actuallyfollowit. And not just once, every day. Which wasn’t so bad at first.
But today, when I went to find a ten-minute yoga routine, I somehow ended up watching cat videos with Sebastian and stumbled upon a T-shirt cat tent tutorial. It looked easy and like a much better use of my time than yoga. But of course it was not easy, and by the time I realized it was going to take up my entire morning before work, it was too late. I wasin it.I kept glancing at my phone, telling myself I could finish this later. I needed to get in the shower. I needed to organize the note on my phone with all my ideas for the pub before my meeting with Jack. But I just couldn’t move. I kept mentally revising how long it would take me to do things. I didn’t really need five whole minutes for a shower if I was just washing my body, right?(Wrong.) It wouldn’t take more than sixty seconds to toss on a shirt, cardigan, and jeans, right? (Wrong.)
“I’m sorry I’m late,” I say when I rush into the office. “I was making a cat tent for Sebastian out of a T-shirt and totally miscalculated how long it would take.”
When I finally look at Jack, my heart leaps in my chest. He’s seated at his desk with a mug of coffee in his hands. Today he’s in a gray Henley that, with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows, shows off his forearm tattoos. Paired with dark jeans and pristine white sneakers, he looks like someone who has his shit together. While I, on the other hand, look like someone who got ready in under five minutes, which is accurate.
I need to find a cardiologist, I think.
He leans back in the chair. “Did you finish it?”
“The cat tent?”
Jack nods.
“Yes.”
He swivels from side-to-side in the chair. “Did he like it?”
“The cat tent?”
Jack nods.
This conversation is ridiculous, and ridiculous is not the plan. I am trying to be New Raine, and New Raine is not ridiculous. But Sebastian really did love the cat tent, and I have the cutest photo of him lounging inside it. I decide to accept being ridiculous, just for the moment.
“He loved it.” I cross the space between us to show Jack the photo. “He’s a king.”
“Sounds like a good enough reason to be late to me.” When Jack looks up, our faces are so close that I’m suddenly self-conscious that my breath smells bad. Thank God brushing my teeth is one thing Idefinitelydid this morning.
But I’m not sure if I remembered to put on deodorant, so I straighten and step back.
