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I look at my sister. “But... Mom and Dad said you were doing amazing.Yousaid things were going great! What changed?”
Clara picks at a loose thread on the comforter and doesn’t look at me. “I lied.”
“Why?”
“For the same reasons you did. I didn’t want anyone to know what a fuckup I am.”
“If you didn’t want me to know, why did you come here?”
Clara sighs. “I wanted to know how you did it.”
“Did what?”
“How you moved on. How you let go of everyone else’s expectations and just... did what you wanted to do.”
I laugh. “Clara, I didn’t let go of everyone else’s expectations. I just ran away from them. If Ireallydidn’t care what other people thought, I’d be putting out my own music.” I wait for Clara to say something, but she doesn’t. “Do youreallywant to drop out of med school?”
“No,” she says. “I want to be a doctor. I’ve wanted to be a doctor my whole life, but it’s scary. What if I keep trying and all that happens is I keep failing?”
“Then you’ll fail knowing you gave it your all. You won’t wonder what could’ve been if you’d just been a little braver. Don’t give up something you love just because it’s difficult. You can get through med school. I know you can. Don’t give up yet.”
Clara wipes at her eyes and groans. “God, look at us. Jack was right, we’re something else.”
She sighs and stares at the wall in front of her. It hurts to think of the space that’s grown between us, space I let grow because of my own fear. If there’s one thing I know about Clara, it’s that she wants to be a doctor more than anything. I can’t picture her doing anything else. I can’t imagine a person better-suited to the job.
I nudge her shoulder. “Will you please go back and try again? It’s just a bump in the road. If anyone can manage it, it’s you.”
“Fine.” She gives me a sharp look. “But only ifyoudon’t give up.”
I shake my head. “Clara... I dropped out of med school over a year ago, somehow I don’t think I can just pick up where I left off.”
“Not med school,music.”
“That’s different.”
“It’s not,” she says. “Just... try to put your own stuff out there.”
“I don’t know...”
“You have to set a good example for your little sister,” she says, and gives me a pinch on the arm.
“Ouch! Okay, fine! I promise I’lltry. I can’t promise I’ll succeed. Deal?”
“Deal.” Clara goes quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry I made such a scene downstairs. I wasn’t thinking...”
“It’s okay.”
“It won’t ruin anything with Cat Dad for you, will it?”
I shrug. “What’s there to ruin?”
She rolls her eyes. “Come on, Raine, don’t kid yourself.”
“I’m not kidding! He’s just a fling. A travel romance.” I grin at her. “I’m very worldly now, you see.”
“If you say so.” Clara gives my leg a pat, then sits up with a sigh. “Want to have a movie night? We can continue this cry fest and watchTarzan.”
“I’m not sure I have any tears left.”
