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“Raine, slow down and look at me.”
I don’t want to, but I do it anyway. He tucks my hair behind my ear. “Even if I didn’t have the pub, I don’t see how I could go with you. I’m not very good at uncertainty. I wish I was. And as much as I want to tell you I can be that person one day, I don’t know if I can.” He gives me a gentle smile, but it’s a sad one. “I’m sorry I can’t be the one to have adventures with you.”
“But maybe you can be. Not now, of course, but maybe one day.”
“Maybe,” he says. “But one day could be years from now.”
“Or in a few months.”
“Or never.”
“I know it’s not as simple as a few therapy sessions, but you said it yourself, therapy changed your life.”
“It did. And I know it will help. But I don’t know how much, and I don’t know how long it’ll take. I don’t want you to wait around for something that might never happen.”
“We could do long distance. I could come back here once a month or something.”
Jack shakes his head. “I can’t ask you to do that. It wouldn’t be fair.”
“I wouldn’t mind—”
“It’s never going to go away completely, Raine. There will always be ups and downs.”
“I know that.”
“And you deserve better,” he says.
“Bullshit.”
A flash of anger courses through me, and I look away. I don’t know why he does this. Why he denies everything he deserves, why he thinks he can’t be happy.
Jack sighs. He catches my chin in his hand, and I don’t fight it when he makes me look at him. “You’ll meet someone as brave and adventurous as you are, and you’ll have an amazing life.”
“Jack—”
He leans in closer and whispers, “Just so you know, I already hate the guy.”
Jack kisses me. The moment his mouth leaves mine, I’m hit with the weight of a loss that has yet to arrive, and the tears I’ve tried to hold back slip down my cheeks.
“Ah, crap,” I whisper.
Jack swipes the tears away. “I’m no good for you anyway. I keep making you cry.”
“Oh, everything makes me cry,” I say. “A really good cup of coffee makes me cry. That doesn’t mean it’s bad for me.”
I bury my face in his shoulder. Jack puts his arm around me and pulls me close to his side. “You’re the silliest person I’ve ever met,” he says.
“A role I take very seriously.”
“Quit stealing my jokes.”
“Jack?”
“Hmm?”
I tip my face up to his. “You promise you won’t go to Tokyo without me?”
“Promise.”
