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I know I can’t say goodbye without falling apart. So I write it instead.
Twenty-Five
Jack
I wake up to Sebastian in my face. “Are you trying to suffocate me?” I say, and shove him off of me. When he chirps at me, I shush him, not wanting him to wake Raine. She has a long enough day ahead of her.
Raine.I reach out, but don’t feel her beside me. I blink awake, and it’s brighter than it should be. I grab my phone from the nightstand, bolting upright when I see it’s nearly ten. I leave the bedroom to look for her, even though I know she isn’t here. Sebastian follows, nearly tripping me when he darts between my legs.
“Will ya quit it, Bash?” I scan the living room. Her boots are no longer in a heap beside the door, but I do spot one of her socks balled up beside the TV.
Sebastian chirps again. I turn toward the sound and find him staring at me from the kitchen table. “I’m coming, I’m coming. Jesus, you act like I haven’t fed you in years.”
But when I step into the kitchen and fill his food bowl, Sebastian doesn’t hover behind me like he usually does. He just keeps sitting there on the kitchen table, staring at me like he’s never encounteredsuch a frustrating human before. He chirps again, and when I cross the kitchen to try and figure out what the hell is wrong with my cat, I spot the letter on the table. Raine’s handwriting.
Keurig,
I know you wanted to drive me to the airport, but I don’t think I can handle goodbye with you, so I took the train. Sorry.
I’ve been thinking about what you said about accommodations when we first met. I know I never took you up on the offer, but only because you were already making accommodations for me without even meaning to. Every time you reminded me to eat, or talked through my ideas with me, or fact-checked pub quiz questions. You knew what I needed without me having to ask.
You might not be the most professional coworker I’ve ever had, but you are an incredible boss, and I think that, given enough time, the Local would’ve been fine without me because you are the heart of that place. AND DON’T YOU DARE BRUSH OFF THE COMPLIMENT! I’m being one hundred percent serious here. Everyone who steps through that door adores you. How could they not want to come back? It’s like knowing what people need is your superpower. DON’T LAUGH. IT’S NOT A JOKE. You created an opportunity for Róisín when they weren’t sure they wanted to go to culinary school. You gave Aoife a job with a schedule that meant she could support her kids after her husband died. You left your life in Dublin to take care of your mom, to take care of this place, even when you had every reason not to.
But, Jack, please don’t forget to take care of yourself. I can already feel you rolling your eyes, and I haven’t even finished writing this yet. And I’m not talking about yourOCD. I’m talking about you. Go be selfish. Buy a dozen poppyseed bagels and share them with absolutely no one. Waste a few hours making a cat tent out of a T-shirt. Take a day off work to read a trashy book you’ll forget as soon as you finish the last page. Make art that is useless and silly and important. You deserve every good thing, even when you’re having dark thoughts. You deserve to be happy, even when you aren’t well.
And love—you deserve that too.
See you in Tokyo.
Ciaróg
I take a seat at the table once I finish reading, then give Sebastian a scratch between the ears. “Sorry for being cross with you. You’re a very good cat, you know.” He leans into my hand with a yowl.
“I know,” I say. “I already miss her too.”
I have a feeling I’m going to miss her for a long, long time.
Raine
Good morning from Vienna! I think living in your flat has ruined me for hostels. (Tell floofs he is the best roommate I’ve ever had, even with all the cup-knocking-over he does.)
Jack
Guess how many of your socks I’ve found since you left yesterday.
Raine
Zero. I am very thorough at packing.
Jack
Then why did I find a neon pink sock beside my TV?
Raine
It was a parting gift for Sebastian.
Jack
