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“Yeah, sweetheart, you can,” Sam says and tries to not get too hopeful for the future. “Honestly? You can stay as long as you want. Forever,” he adds and laughs in the hope that it won’t sound quite so creepy. No submissive wants a Dominant to be clingy after their cycle. It’s immature and pathetic. He makes himself turn away from the boy of his dreams.
18
When Craig wakes up in the morning, everything is different. It’s almost like waking up after a fever has broken. His cycle is well and truly over. The last few days have been this constant heat and need under his skin that nothing could satisfy.
Even when he was satisfied, he wanted more. All satisfaction was temporary, as if he ate but had room in his stomach and a desire for dessert that never came. After every encounter, there was part of him that wanted just a little bit more.
But now, he can’t even explain it to himself, there’s something different and calmer inside him. If they had sex now, Craig would be able to savor the experience.
Absolutely nothing he experienced with Sam was normal. And what Craig always wanted, always fantasized about, was the day-to-day routine of what it would be like to have a Daddy, from waking up in the morning to going to bed at night.
Weekends together, quiet time, and routine.
Really, the only thing he’s learned after this experience is that sex is incredible, getting to be a boy and be used is everything he hoped it would be, and he can’t go on without it.
He’d rather die than go back to being alone and unwanted. What he needs, every moment of the day, is to have a Daddy who cherishes him and will take care of him. And in exchange, he’ll give his Daddy everything. His love and devotion, his body and attention, anything his Daddy might want, he can and will give because now he knows what it’s like to belong to someone and fit.
Lying in Sam’s bed, warm and safe under the covers, finally able to take a moment and evaluate the last few days and what he’s experienced, is a lot to process. He’d always thought he knew who he was and had taken steps to become the person he wanted to be, hoping to be desired and loved by enrolling in the military and getting modifications, doing what he could to be respectably submissive and have a Daddy of his own.
But he didn’t actually know what that would be like. It was want and need but untested. It’s not fantasy now. He’s experienced the reality of submission, and it’s harder and better than he expected. It’s like living in color.
Now he knows who he is; confirmation that he’s exactly who he thought he was. A boy who needs a Daddy. How does he keep Sam?
What if he can’t?
Maybe Sam won’t want to carry on with him now that his cycle is over. He likely feels different, too. And it isn’t all that likely that he feels equally fulfilled and wants more from Craig. After all, he’s gone through this process with other submissive partners and hasn’t tried to be their Daddy when it was over.
Craig has to assume his time with Sam is done. He can ask him out or broach the subject of dating, but Craig has to accept the reality that it may be over between them.
Grief fills him.
And if it really is over, then he’s extra disappointed because he isn’t even hurting like he thought he would. In a day or two, he’ll be just fine, and there won’t be a single mark or twinge of discomfort in or on his body to remind him that he was wanted and needed.
Loved. Can he call it that? When it’s just a biological compulsion? But if he’s given so much of himself away to have it, then maybe it is love, at least for him.
He curls in tighter to himself, body going tense as the sense of aloneness creeps into all the cold and dark places inside his mind and body.
That’s when Sam speaks, voice cutting through the rising desolation.
“Do you want me to take you back to your place? We can go right now if you need to leave. Or would you like to stay here a bit longer?”
He can read nothing in Sam’s tone. What does Sam want? “I want to stay,” Craig manages to say.
“Okay. Good,” he responds softly. Sam hesitates and then says, “Well, look, since this is your first cycle, and things are pretty different now, I’m just gonna tell you what the options are, and you decide what you want to do. Whatever you want to do, Craig, I’ll help you.”
Craig almost whimpers. He doesn’t want to have to decide anything. He just wants to stay here and pretend he still has a Daddy. He needs his Daddy to kiss him and then fuck him, tell him he isn’t too sore and that his Daddy knows he can do this. That they’ll be in it together.
“We can get up and have some coffee, maybe some breakfast, and then I can take you to your place? Or we can hop in the shower together or separately. Or… if you’re feeling up to it, I’d love to blow you.”
That is not what he expected Sam to say. “Really? Why, Daddy?”
The question might take him aback. There’s another lengthy pause. Maybe he shouldn’t have called him Daddy? Craig needs to stop.
“Uh. It only seems fair, after everything that you’ve done for me over the last few days, how generous you’ve been. It’s the least I can do now that I’m thinking more clearly. If anyone deserves a bit of equalizing, it’s you.”
“I don’t know that word.”
“Right. Of course not. Well, a lot of submissives like the opportunity to get a bit of their power back. A blow job is a pretty standard expectation after what we’ve done together. Me on my knees, pleasuring you. I’m fine with it being one-sided. And after that, we can go to medical and make sure you’re okay. And… it’s standard that they’ll offer you a blurring shot.”
