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Dad shakes his head but doesn’t fight me. He drains the last of his scotch and places the glass on the bar. Then he asks, “What’re you doing with him anyway?”
“I told you. I ran into him.”
“Don’t give me that. You guys are looking at each other the same way you did when he lived here eight years ago.”
I jerk my gaze from the entrance of the kitchen back to my dad to find him watching me. I’d thought Shawn and I had been careful, to the point where no one else knew about what we were doing late at night.
“What?” Dad asks when I look at him. “You think I didn’t know? You were living here, for God’s sake, Lucas. Of course I knew.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
At this, he finally softens, his eyes turning gentle. “Because…because he wasn’t a bad kid. You were happy with him. And I knew you were being safe because you used my credit card at the pharmacy.”
Embarrassment floods my face in a wave of heat. “Oh my god, Dad.”
He laughs a little, even though the sound is sad. “You were the one who did it.” He sobers and moves closer to put an arm around my shoulders. “You have to understand, when Shawn left, he didn’t just hurt my one child. He hurt both of you. And that’s what gets to me.”
I guess when he puts it that way, I understand it a little more. I still wish he’d look beyond that and realize that what happened to Natlie isn’t the reason Shawn left in the first place. But if I can’t figure out the true reason why how am I supposed to expect my dad to do it?
Nine
Shawn
I grit my teeth through the whole dinner with the Millers. Not only am I uncomfortable as fuck, but I’m also royally pissed at Lucas for this. I’d made it pretty obvious that I had no intention of seeing either one of his parents while I was in town, and Lucas had lured me here anyway.
The irritation sits in my stomach, making it hard to eat. I do my best to choke the food down because I don’t want to upset Katherine, but I can only get through about half the plate.
The entire time, Lucas sits beside me chattering away like there isn’t a problem. Like his father isn’t pissed that I showed up here.
It’s definitely one of the most awkward nights of my life.
By the time we finally leave, it feels like as though a whole week has passed. I can’t get out of that house fast enough. Especially when Katharine hugs me again at the door, squeezing tightly.
When we get in Lucas’s car, I pull my seatbelt on then stare out the windshield. It rained while we were inside, and water drops dot the glass, making the streetlights twinkle.
Lucas gets in the driver’s seat and shuts the door. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
I don’t respond. My teeth are gritted so tightly together that they hurt.
“You’re not even going to speak to me?” Lucas asks when I let the silence linger. “Shawn, look, I’m sorry I didn’t warn you but—”
“But what?” I cut him off. “But it was more fun this way? More entertaining?”
“You know that’s not what I was doing.”
“What you were doing was being an ass. You said we were going out somewhere, then you brought me here where you knew your dad still hated me. How do you think it felt to sit across him all night while he was glaring at me?”
Even as the words leave my mouth, I know it’s not what’s really bothering me. I’ve sat through worse dinners, nights where I was nursing broken ribs or fractured arms. But this seems almost as bad those times. And it takes me a second to realize that it’s because I trusted Lucas wouldn’t put me in a situation where I would be uncomfortable. At least, not on purpose.
Lucas starts the car, the engine growling into the quiet night. “It wasn’t that bad. And it’s good for you to get out of your shell and visit people.”
“Stop fucking acting like you know me. We’ve been apart eight years, Lucas. I’m not the same guy I was when I left.”
Lucas’s jaw works, an obvious tell that he’s fighting the urge to either argue or insult me. He’s silent as he guides the car from the neighborhood and out onto the freeway. Then he says, “I never thought you were the same guy you were when you left. I had no ulterior motive for bringing you here. My mother said she wanted to see you. That’s it. Maybe I should’ve told you where I wanted to take you, and that’s on me, but please stop acting like I strapped you to the electric chair. I took you to a dinner.”
I lapse back into silence because I don’t want to say something I’ll regret. I know I should look at this from his point of view. He doesn’t know what I overheard that night I left. He was trying to do something nice for his mom, which I’m guessing he tries to do frequently since he’s the one cancer left behind. Their only surviving child.
But I can’t stay in his point of view because I keep coming back to being unsure of if Lucas knew the real reason why I left. He’s acting like he doesn’t, but what if I’m wrong? What if he’s just pretending to not know to save face? Or to get back into my bed?
