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"It did start organically," Lennon piped up, rushing to my defense because that was what he did. Not that his word held much weight. Lennon was the artistic party animal of the group, and he was already halfway to schnockered.
"What did you do? Pay someone to talk you up until you turned into some sort of urban legend?" She shook her head. "Just like in that movie. What's next? You gonna sleep with Lennon's mom?"
I could feel Lennon's eyes on me as he gaped, just drunk enough to not recognize that that was a plot point of the movie she was currently accusing me of copying.
"I guess that wouldn't work, because Lennon is your best friend, not your enemy like in the movie, but if you have an enemy, I don't know who it is. And Lennon does have the youngest and hottest mom out of all of you."
"Dude!" Lennon hollered. I turned to face him, rolling my eyes at his betrayed expression.
"Dude," I parroted back to him. "I'm not gonna sleep with your mom. Or anybody’s for that matter. Nyla is just tripping and yelling out movie plot points forAmerican Pie."
"Oh." The anger faded, and a slow goofy grin spread across his face, returning him to the lovable dunce that was my best friend. "Heh. That was a good movie. We should watch it again."
"This weekend," I promised, turning my attention back to Nyla. "Nyla, cut it out. I'm not sleeping with anyone's mom and I didn’t start a rumor about the size of my cock."
"Oh yeah? Then how did it get started?"
Closing my eyes for a second, I took a deep breath, not willing to answer that question for my very-engaged friend.
Someone coughed and I popped my eyes open looking around the room for help.
Theo just laughed, Lennon, who had probably already forgotten what we were talking about, shrugged, and Bain and Bas looked down at the table.
"Oh for fuck’s sake. None of you are going to help me out here? Not even you, Bas? Fine. Then don't yell at me for what I'm about to say. I've denied a conspiracy every way I can, it's time for the crude truth."
"Wait!" Bas piped up before I could continue. "Nyla… it could have started again because it's true."
"Oh please!" she scoffed. "Like I'm gonna believe…." Her voice faltered and trailed off as she looked around the room. I didn't look myself; I already knew what was happening. My friends, who'd seen me in locker rooms a million times over the past decade and a half that we'd been friends, were vouching for me. I had a reputation for being hung and I came about it honestly.
"B-but--oh. Oh!" she sputtered, her face turning as red as my hair.
"Well, I'm not gonna ask how you all know that," she muttered. "Whatever. But seriously, what are we gonna do about all these applications? You can't take them all."
Telling me I couldn't do something was pretty much just a surefire way to guarantee that I would in fact do that thing. "How many are there?" I challenged.
“Six!”
"Only six? By the way you were going on, I was expecting a lot more than that."
"Six is a lot in this case!"
"I can do it. No problem. Set up the interviews."
"Archer!" she scolded, "You cannot take on six Rent-A-Daddy clients at once! Most Daddies can only handle one at a time, so at most, you can take two."
"I can take them all," I insisted. "Set up the interviews."
"You have a full-time job!" It was true, I was a lawyer, and a good one at that, having earned my reputation for being a shark in the courtroom, just as honestly as I'd earned the other one. But it was a matter of pride now and I wasn't backing down.
"So? I can manage. I'll hire an assistant."
"To do what? Tell you who needs spanked and when?"
"Maybe." I trained my face to look unbothered, even though everyone in the room, with the possible exception of one, knew that spanking wasn't my kink. That didn't mean I couldn't do it. I most definitely could, and I was pretty damn good at it if I did say so myself. "I'm looking for a new assistant for the office. Maybe I could start them with this and then see what happens."
I could tell that Nyla hated this idea, but whether or not I hired an extra assistant for my office wasn't really up to her. Neither was what I had them do. Staring her dead in the eyes, I waited for her to come to the same conclusion. "Ugh! Fine! But you're ridiculous! Don't say I didn't warn you!"
"Never," I promised.
