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“’Cuz his hands are always so sticky?”
I smiled and nodded. “You get it,” I said.
I walked into the kitchen. “Oh, I don’t even want to know what rotted in there,” I pointed to the fridge. “Why does this place look so clean?” I wondered.
“The fridge is empty. And someone comes in and cleans every few weeks. Just dusting and the floors, really.”
“How?”
“The last thing you needed to think about was this kind of shit. We walked out of this house last December and I didn’t want you to have to think about it again until you were ready, if you ever were.”
There was a tingle in my chest. I wanted to cry because this place brought back so many memories and emotions, and because I was standing next to the person who literally kept me alive when all I wanted to do was die.
“Besides the random handprint, what are we here for?” He rubbed his hands up and down my arms.
“I need to go through Eli’s stuff. Donate the clothes, send some stuff to my mom’s attic until I’m settled. I don’t want to deal with it at my new place.”
Sergio nodded. We went into the bedroom to start with the clothes. I cried as I put them into bags, saving a couple of my favorites to the side. Pulling one of his hoodies over my head, I moved to the bathroom where I cleaned out his toiletries. The smell of his soap and shampoo made me cry so much I could no longer smell anything through my stuffed-up nose.
Hours later, Eli’s physical belongings were in boxes or bags. My head was pounding from crying. I laid down in our bed, exhausted.
“Do you want me to give you some space?” Sergio asked, squeezing my hand.
“No. I selfishly want you to just hold me while I lay here.”
“I can do that, mia dea.” He joined me in the bed, pulling me close so I could bury my face in his chest.
“Thank you. I promise not to do anything scandalous. I just need to rest.”
He chuckled. “Sleep. I’ll be right here.” He rubbed my back as everything faded away.
Seventy
Cee
The next two weeks passed quickly as I moved into my rental and the anniversary of Eli’s death had arrived. I actively tried to ignore the calendar, but it didn’t matter. The closer the date got, the more my friends swarmed around me to make sure I wasn’t approaching the edge.
I was sad, but not depressed. I missed him, but it didn’t cripple me the way it did when he’d passed. The band was hard at work putting down tracks for a new album they wanted to launch, and it had Connor riding everyone’s asses to get it done quickly because he didn’t want to lose ‘momentum.’
As usual, he was the one holding things up with his damn perfectionism.
Since the studio space was literally attached to his home, I spent most of my time there. But today was different. I needed the quiet, so I stayed home, but the stalkers showed up anyway.
It was a cool fall day. Exactly the kind Eli would’ve enjoyed. Sunny with a breeze that made the colorful fall leaves dance in the air. I sat on the porch in his hoodie with a coffee in hand, trying to escape the chaos inside.
“Hey,” Elle said softly, sitting beside me.
“Hey.” I didn’t look at her.
“I should’ve been a better sister.”
We’re doing this now? I shifted uncomfortably. “You had a lot going on.”
“That’s no excuse. I’ve always been a shitty big sister. I’m not good with emotions or emotional people, but I could’ve tried harder to be there for you.”
“You were, in your bossy big sister way.” My lip turned up in a half smile. “I got all the emotions, and you got all the ability to cope with reality.”
She laughed lightly, and we went back to silence for a few minutes. “He asked me to give this to you today.” She held out an envelope. The front read KATIE in Eli’s perfect penmanship. I couldn’t hold back my tears at the sight.
