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Fourteen
That tour ended, and I went back to just managing Connor’s life, which was easy since he and Mish were living in Massachusetts for a while. My sister continued shacking up with Silas for the summer and it looked, at least to me, like she wouldn’t be getting married to Mason over Labor Day weekend.
This was a relief to me on two fronts. One, she had no business marrying Mason for the sake of having the ‘right’ husband. Two, I agreed to be her Maid of Honor, but as her only bridesmaid, I couldn’t refuse. After years out of the press’s eye, I wasn’t looking forward to showing my face. Even if that face would be caked in makeup and my head would wear a wig.
Oh, and there was the whole fact she was unknowingly marrying my baby’s father. So, three. Three reasons.
Eli made his displeasure known when I agreed to be in the wedding party but understood my reasons. My sister and I had become much closer since Wyatt was born, and I wanted to be there for her the way she had for Wyatt and me. To protect Wyatt, however, he was staying home with Eli that weekend.
So off to Cape Cod for her wedding I went. Connor and Mish were invited to the wedding, so I had planned to spend most of my time hiding from obscure family members and hanging out with them.
Forget obscure, I wanted to stay away from my father.
I did something I’m not proud of and I gave Silas’s name as my plus one. I had hoped that she would call this off at any minute, especially if he were there. Knowing she was doing this for all the wrong reasons had me making last-ditch efforts to get her to change her mind. I could tell it wasn’t what she wanted after spending the summer with Silas.
The night before her wedding, she made me take her to meet Silas on a beach. Both of them walked away, crying, but in separate directions. My heart sank. I monitored Elle while Connor and Mish took Silas out drinking to get over my sister. I didn’t think Silas would show up the next day, but he did.
My sister had a very uncharacteristic meltdown. As she walked up the aisle to exit the church, she saw Silas and it shook her. She found me outside and grabbed my arm like it was a lifeline. It lasted mere seconds, but I’d never seen her react that way.
I had so much of my life resenting the attention she received from my parents, particularly my father. But at that moment, I saw how trapped she felt. I didn’t understand it, but I could see the pressure she was under.
Damn, I was glad I wasn’t my dad’s pet project.
Not long after the wedding, my father announced he was dying. I felt conflicted. I had so much I wanted to say, and most of it was hateful.
Eli understood my need to get my grievances off my chest before my dad died, but he was not on board with letting him meet my son. “I don’t get why you’re letting him meet Wyatt. The guy has been nothing but an asshole to you your whole life. He sent you away and treated Wyatt like a dirty secret. He doesn’t deserve a minute of your attention.” He flicked an envelope sitting on the kitchen counter across the room.
“I know, and you’re right he’s a complete asshole who doesn’t deserve to meet my kid. But this isn’t for my father, it’s for me. I’m the one that has to live with whatever decisions I make because he’ll be dead. It won’t affect him, but I’ll think about it for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be the reason Wyatt never met him.”
“It will confuse Wyatt. And what if the media sees him?”
“Valid concerns, but I can’t hide him forever. The press has been sniffing around since the wedding, and they have seen me with him. They haven’t decided he’s mine yet, but I refuse to skulk around anymore. I hid Wyatt to make my dad happy, which, yes, was fucked up, but that’s the truth. If he doesn’t care, I sure as fuck am done hiding.”
Eli sighed and pulled me to his chest. “You’re so much braver than I am, you crazy bitch.”
“Not brave. An idiot maybe, but I’m just trying to keep myself from finding a new reason to fall into depression.”
* * *
Wyatt met my dad a few times before he died. I thought it would give me closure, but on the day of the funeral, Eli had to drag me through the motions. The whole day, he was amazing. Despite trying to bury the hatchet with my dad the day he died, the pain was just worse. After a lifetime of not being present, he had given me the time of day for the last few months of his life. I wanted to hate him, and now I felt like I was the last item to check off a list before death.
When it was time to leave his coffin in the cemetery, I couldn’t walk away. Everyone else had escaped back to their cars, the icy wind biting through layers of winter gear, but I couldn’t move.
“C’mon, baby. It’s time to go,” Eli whispered close to my ear.
“Why didn’t he love me?” Tears cascaded down my cheeks, warming my cheeks before turning to ice.
“He was a selfish asshole who didn’t see that he had the most incredible daughter. It’s his loss, baby.”
“So why do I feel so shitty? If he’s never been there, why does it hurt that he’s gone for good? Why can’t I walk away?”
“Because it’s final. But come on. We’re going to get pneumonia. We need to get back in the car.”
“I can’t.”
“I’ve got you, Katie. Let’s go. Hang on to me.” He pulled me tight to him and turned me away from the grave.
“I’m not good at endings,” I whimpered.
