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This guy. I was not good at relationships. I’d never had a real one. Neither had Elijah. In high school, we both dated around. He had girls he would see for chunks of time, but he was never with one at a time. I was more of a fuck-around-when-I-was-drunk-or-high and keep-my-distance-emotionally kind of person.
I would do anything for Eli, but we had a toxic past. Add the fact I came with a kid and an affinity for drugs and alcohol, and I was certain Eli could do so much better. He needed someone better. Someone with their shit together.
I emerged from the bathroom feeling refreshed and went to my room to put on some clothes. I could hear Eli heating whatever plate he had set aside for me in the microwave as I came back to the kitchen. I frowned. “You should be in bed. You have inventory to do tomorrow morning.”
Since Eli was the kitchen manager, he had to do inventory on Monday mornings at four. “I thought we’d hang out and watch some New Girl while you eat. I’m not tired yet.”
We settled in on the couch and I ate the stir-fry while we watched our show. We’d seen every episode at least five times by this point, but that didn’t matter. By the end of the twenty-minute episode, I had finished my dinner, so I got up to put the dish in the dishwasher. Eli didn’t move off to his room as I expected he would. “Still not ready for bed?”
He shook his head. “Just can’t shut my brain off.”
“Anything I can help with?”
“I don’t want to fight with you, Cee. Being here the last few weeks… it’s just opened my eyes.”
“Come on.” I reached for his hand to pull him off the couch and pulled him to my room. I turned on the TV in there to pick up where we left off and crawled into the bed. Eli and I talked better if we cuddled in the dark. We’d been doing it since high school. It helped keep us from having all out screaming matches, and I was pretty sure this conversation had that kind of potential.
Eli crawled in beside me and pulled me into his arms. Tension from the day eased out of us both. This was the reason no one believed we were just friends.
I sighed, “I’m sorry I dragged you into my mess, E. If it’s too much, I need you to tell me and leave.”
“I’m not worried about me or my sobriety. I’m worried about you and your depression. You’ve been doing stupid shit, and you only do stupid shit when you’re trying to avoid your feelings.”
I raised a brow. “Any stupid shit in particular? Because I drank too much last night, but I don’t do that often.”
“It’s the hookups.”
This is the part where the screaming would’ve started. Instead, I took a few moments to watch the screen while I formed my response. “I don’t know what you mean. I haven’t had sex in weeks before last night.”
“Okay. But tell me you didn’t blow that guy from the bar last week. Or I didn’t see you making out with Ben in the walk-in. Last night, it was Myles. If Mish was living here instead of me, would it have been him again tonight?”
He had me there. Ben was a supervisor at work, and if the opportunity presented itself, I’d be out screwing someone again tonight. It’s how I filled the void in my soul. Unfortunately, my best friend knew this and therefore also knew this meant I was in an awful mental place.
My track record spoke for itself.
“I’ll be fine, Eli. Promise.” If only I could figure out why I felt that way.
I snuggled in closer, burying my face against his chest. He sighed, and we went back to half-watching the television as we sorted through the thoughts in our heads until we fell asleep.
Twenty-Two
I felt Eli get out of bed for work. He must have accidentally woken Wyatt, because before leaving, he dropped my chatty toddler in my bed with an apology and a kiss on my temple.
Waking up at three-thirty a.m. was not my idea of a good time, but it was Wyatt’s. Dear child, why must you torture your mother? After about half an hour of trying to get him to go back to sleep with me, I resigned myself to the fact we were up for the day and hoped like hell there was an extended nap in our morning plans.
Me: You know how I get slutty when I’m trying to avoid real life? I fucked Myles this weekend.
Mish: He’s hot. I approve. What’s the problem?
Me: E called me out.
Mish: Ouch. How’d he find out?
Me: I showed up late to work yesterday in my clothes from the night before while driving someone else’s car.
Mish: You are breaking that man’s heart.
Me: I don’t mean to.
