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After turning back toward Michelle, I pressed my lips together. “I’ve already told you a million fucking times, Michelle. The answer is not going to change anytime soon. I’m not ready for that commitment.”
“You already bought her a diamond necklace,” Michelle said. “I know what it’s worth is like pocket change to you, but you’ve never done that. I want you to be happy, Steven, for once in your life. Stop being scared.”
I stared at her and ripped off some skin on my inner cheek. “I’m not scared.”
I was fucking terrified.
What if Sierra decided that I wasn’t worth it anymore and walked out of my life, like every other woman had? They were all gone, and I didn’t want Sierra to be another one on the list. I didn’t want to—I couldn’t—lose anyone else.
Michelle looked me up and down, then let out a breath. “It’s okay to be nervous.”
“You don’t understand,” I said, staring at the ground. “It’s hard.”
Michelle frowned. “I bet it’d be harder without her.”
Sierra stood by the classroom door, glancing around Radiant. When we made eye contact, she smiled softly, and my chest tightened. I didn’t want to be hurt again. I wanted to ignore all the pain, all the emotions that I had ever felt.
And just fuck.
I dropped my gaze as the thought drifted through my mind. It was a lie.
A damn lie that I had been drilling into my head since forever.
“Maybe you should invite her to Christmas dinner,” Michelle offered.
“I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because …” I started, attempting to find a reason why I shouldn’t invite Sierra to Christmas dinner.
She didn’t have a family to celebrate with either. Had she been spending all these holidays alone?
“Invite her!” Michelle said, walking back to her friends and tossing a smirk over her shoulder at me. “Or I will.”
Once she settled back into a conversation with Frank, I dropped my gaze and clenched my jaw. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t fucking do this. Sierra was mine, but I was … scared to tell her the real reason for the necklace, the real reason I had crawled into the tub with her, the real reason I liked her being around.
“Steven,” Sierra said, grabbing on to my elbow from behind, “are you staying here?”
I swallowed my nerves, straightened myself out, then grabbed her hand. “Of course not. I still need to clean and feed you.”
“Are you sure?” she asked. “You look distraught. Did something happen?”
After wiping the stress off my face, I shook my head and guided her toward the exit near my car. “Don’t worry about it, love. I’m going to run a bath for us while Thornton makes us dinner. I’m going to take care of you tonight, like I always do.”
32
steven
I pushed a cart down an aisle at Giant Eagle, following Sierra to the cheese section the night of the Christmas party at her friend’s house.
Thank God that she hadn’t brought up the necklace again because I wasn’t sure what I would tell her. I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship, and I honestly didn’t think I would ever be at this rate. I didn’t want to deal with the consequences. With what was fated to happen.
She’d leave at some point.
“You should shop for your own groceries,” she said.
“I don’t have time, love.”
