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The matte-black box that I had placed underneath the tree seemed to glare at me, taunt me. And while it couldn’t talk—because it was an inanimate fucking object—all I could hear was that I wasn’t good enough for her. That she would never see me the way I saw her.
That all of this was somehow a lie.
All the late nights. All the early mornings. Waking up next to her with my nose buried in her hair. Breathing in her shampoo. Seeing her smile. Those lips. The brightness in her eyes. Caring for her in the tub with all the bubbles.
I feared that it was all a lie. Because nobody gave a shit about me.
Ever.
“Here,” Sierra said, grabbing a small box. “This is one of my last gifts to you.”
I grabbed the box from her and unwrapped it, pulling out a gift card to Giant Eagle and arching my brow. “Love, did you buy a gift for yourself?”
“No, of course not!” she said in a fit of giggles. “I bought it so you have an excuse to go grocery shopping with me.”
She had bought this just for me to spend time with her. Fuck.
Her cheeks rounded. “Plus, you haven’t even seen the entire store yet.”
The more time I spent with her, the harder and harder I fell. And the harder the pain would be when she left me once she discovered that I wasn’t really good for her, that there were far better men out there worthy of her time, that I was just some broken man who was both so desperate for love and scared of commitment.
After thanking her, I walked over to the tree. I had two last gifts for her, one near the couch and one behind some of Michelle’s and Hector’s gifts. I stared down at them, my heart pounding so loudly that it deafened me.
My fingers trembled as I leaned down, the terror lodged in my throat, making it harder and harder to breathe. I cursed at myself as I bent at the hip to grab the smaller box, my leg lifting off the ground slightly and kicking the gift with the contract underneath the couch.
Fuck.
The moment I kicked it so she wouldn’t see or ask about it, guilt, sadness, hurt, and even more shame rushed through every fiber of my being. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even fucking ask her.
I could’ve turned back. I could’ve reached underneath the couch to pick it up.
But my fears had me in a fucking choke hold.
“Here’s one more,” I said, handing her a diamond tennis bracelet that matched her necklace, my words less tense but my body full of anxiety. I stared underneath the couch as she opened her present, feeling so stupid.
She tore off the wrapping paper and opened up the small box, her lips curling into a frown. “Steven, this is too much. I thought we decided on something small and thoughtful.” She paused, drawing her fingers across the diamonds. “But it’s beautiful.”
“I’m glad you like it,” I forced out, unable to look her in the eye.
Why was I such a fuckup when it came to relationships? First, I couldn’t tell her what the damn necklace meant. She’d had to hear it from my own sister. And now, I couldn’t even ask her to be my submissive even though that was what she’d technically been for weeks.
After setting the box on the ground beside her, Sierra hopped up, grabbed my hand, and eyed the red sack of gifts that she had been putting together last night when I picked her up. “I have something else for you, but we have to go somewhere.”
“Where are you taking me?” I asked.
“It’s a surprise.”
41
steven
“Are you sure we have time?” Sierra asked, walking down the sidewalk next to me.
I stopped at the crosswalk with her and zippered up her jacket all the way. “Yes, love.”
“Dinner doesn’t start until six?”
She was full of questions this morning, wasn’t she? And I still didn’t know where she was taking me with this sack full of presents that I had draped over my shoulder. We had been walking for ten minutes in the cold.
