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Then we headed out.
The exit let us into the parking garage, and we stopped just beyond the door. Hands in his pockets, Owen faced me. “Thanks for, um, for talking to me.”
“Of course. Anything you need.”
He smiled flicker fast. “I guess I should—” He cut himself off and chewed his lip as he avoided my gaze.
I had no idea what was on his mind, so I waited, trying not to fidget as my heart pounded harder the longer the silence stretched on.
When he finally looked me in the eyes and spoke, the words almost sent me back a step:
“Do you still love me?”
“Do I…” I stared at him. “Do I still…”
“It’s an easy enough question,” he snapped. “Do you still love me? Yes or no?”
It had caught me off-guard, but it was the easiest question on the planet, and my voice came out as a hollow whisper as I said, “Of course I do.”
Owen held my gaze, and I swore his eyes begged me to mean that.
“I meant what I said.” I swallowed past that lump that was back with reinforcements. “Owen, you were—are—the love of my life. I’ve never stopped loving you, and I can’t imagine a scenario where I ever would.”
“But you still…” He waved his hand, and his voice trembled. “I just don’t understand how you could love me and still do what you did.”
“I don’t either,” I admitted. “Every fucking day of my life I relive that whole night in my head, and I just…” I exhaled, wiping at my eyes. “I have never regretted anything more. Not even making eye contact with that stupid murder lizard. I’ve been in love with you since our third date, and I don’t think I ever loved you more than I have over the last year.”
He blinked. “You… really?”
I nodded, struggling to hold on to my composure. “That thing people say about how you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone? It’s so fucking true. And the longer time goes on, the more I hate myself because I realized how much I lost when—”
“Matteo.” He stepped in and curved a hand behind my neck. “Shut up.”
And then his mouth was against mine, and everything just… stopped.
My body reacted without any thought on my part—lips parting with his, arms wrapping around him.
Oh. God. I’d missed this so much, and it hurt like hell, too. My throat still ached with the threat of breaking down. Kissing Owen was simultaneously like coming home and getting a taste of something that was about to get yanked away from me again. The gentle and familiar way he combed his fingers through my hair made me want to melt, and it also made me want to shove him away and beg him not to torture me. I was such a wreck in his arms; the emotions crashing through me right then almost had me dropping to my knees and breaking down in tears. I couldn’t put names on all of them, but there was relief and regret and everything in between.
I had no idea if there was forgiveness in his touch, or if he just wanted everything to go away for a little while, but what I knew without a doubt was that I’d never loved Owen or hated myself more than I did in this moment.
We were both out of breath and shaking when we came up for air. Owen touched his forehead to mine, and his fingers trembled on my cheek.
“I miss this,” he whispered. “I don’t even remember it being gone. But… I miss it.”
I closed my eyes, squeezing hot tears free. “I miss it, too.”
He opened up some space between us and met my gaze, a few tears of his own clinging to his lashes. “I have no idea if there’s any going back. I… I just don’t fucking know.” He swallowed hard, and his eyes were full of a familiar fire I’d been missing for the longest year of my life. “All I know is that right now, even if it’s just for a little while, I want to beusagain.”
Deep down, I knew we’d only be torturing ourselves. Once the smoke cleared, we’d be back to the way we’d been in the restaurant—miles apart with more hurt than we could heal. We’d probably both regret it and hate ourselves for indulging.
But in that moment, Owen was offering me, if only for the time it took to wear each other out, a return to a place I never should’ve burned to the ground.
I nodded in the direction of the condo we’d once shared.
Owen smiled.
Then he took my hand.
