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Not able to deny him twice in thirty seconds, I nodded. He was being sweet and attentive. It wasn’t his fault I was a wreck.
With his attention on me, I felt like I was being examined. A few days ago, I loved his undivided attention. But right now, after having assessed our situation for the last twenty-four hours, it felt like I was being researched. The idea of him delving into my thoughts and changing them or swaying me in either direction gave me pause. He had this way about him.
I usually loved his calm, pensive demeanor, but I didn’t want him to use logic as a weapon, however unintentionally. Not when I found it hard to disagree with anything he said. Oliver had so much going for him between the accent, the book smarts, and the charming looks.
I steeled my shoulders. Even though I hated the words as they fell from my lips, I knew what I needed to do. “I need a little space, Oliver.”
He reared back, shock etched on his face. His hand stayed around mine, and as he stopped in his tracks, it caused me to spin and face him.
“Space?”
“Yes, space. This… thing we’re all doing? It has to stop. Neither of you leaves me alone long enough to put my thoughts in order.” Well, shit. I didn’t mean to say it like that, but it was too late now. Freudian slip? Or was that only for penis mentions? Fuck it. It didn’t matter. Some part of me must have felt smothered by them, and my mouth acted faster than my brain.
“You’re running,” he clarified. As the words landed, they sounded like an accusation.
“I’m not running.” I wastotallyrunning. It was classic Sophie behavior.
“Diego and I talked yesterday. We’re okay with you seeing both of us until you choose. I promised him I wouldn’t get in his way.”
All I heard was that Oliver was stepping back. Though it could be interpreted as him letting me figure it out on my own, all I heard was that he was giving Diego the go-ahead and he wouldn’t get in the way. I pried my hand from his and turned to follow the rest of our group.
“Sophie,” he said, catching up to me in a few thundering strides. He took my hand, and I yanked it away again. “Talk to me.”
His face was pleading—soft and open, yet determined—but I couldn’t. I felt like the walls were closing in, which was quite the feat since we were at the top of a small hill with nothing but fresh, albeit sticky, air around us.
“I don’t like being pressured, Oliver,” I answered, my chest heaving as I drank in the air, wishing it was a vodka tonic instead. “I said I needed space. I’m not letting anyone else try to steamroll me; Ryan did enough of that for a lifetime.”
That confidence I had embraced when I told Ryan off had disappeared in a puff of smoke. And all that was left standing when it cleared was an unsure woman with two amazing choices and guilt. So much fucking guilt as I weighed them against each other, trying to pick who was better for me. But the truth was, they were both better than me and deserved better than an indecisive mess of a woman. After all, if you weren’t someone’s first choice, you were last, and neither of them should be a runner-up.
“You don’t need space, Sophie!” he argued. “You’re running. I thought you were here to change that habit.”
“Maybe. But that’s my choice right now. I’d rather have neither of you than feel like I’m losing myself,” I said sadly. Normally, I knew exactly what I wanted and I didn’t quit until I had it. This made me feel like I was no longer myself, warring with indecision and feeling frozen in an impossible situation. He was a hundred percent right. I was scared and withdrawing. But could you blame me?
I stalked off, reaching Zander and Viv as they walked hand in hand.
“Assist,” I pleaded under my breath.
Zander nodded, then slowed and gripped Oliver by the shoulder. “Slow your roll, Ollie. Take a breath and let’s walk it off.”
I was a fucking coward. Zander was my fucking hero. And I needed Norbert, my emotional support iguana. He never judged me.
Viv put a guiding hand on my back, and I didn’t complain about the touch this time. I was just grateful for a few minutes of peace. But I felt Oliver’s eyes on that spot from behind us, burning me like an accusatory brand.
Viv looked over her shoulder at Oliver and Zander, then smiled at me. “We got you.”
I was gonna kiss those two for their shielding. But then again, a triangle situation-ship was how I ended up in this mess.
We finally reached the villa and found the others lounging around the patio.
“How was the hike?” Diego asked, looking from me to Oliver, who stood a few feet away, arms crossed over his chest. Diego’s brows rose as he adopted the same pose as Oliver.
“Fine,” I answered. “I need a shower.”
I slipped past Diego, hearing Oliver sigh behind me. Yeah, I was disappointed too.
* * *
Freshly washedand finger-combing my hair into submission, I looked into the mirror.
