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"What do you want me to say?" I asked aloud. She laughed. "Hey Kaden, stupid story, somehow I fell in love with you?"
"Stupid should be removed from that sentence."
I finally found the motivation to turn around on the surfboard and sat up so my legs dangled in the blue water. Kaia did the same, but not without examining my face.
"How long have you been sure?"
"Since our date a few days ago," I replied.
"And today it still won't leave you alone?"
"Even the best efforts to ignore it failed." Because it was foolish to ignore something when it was right in front of you every day. I spent more time in Kaden's apartment than in my own. I woke up next to him or in his arms more mornings than I did alone. We ate lunch together. And dinner. Sometimes we showered together. What he said, how he acted… because I was clear about how I felt, the rest felt much more meaningful.
"How about you tell him you're in love with him– and see how he reacts? You don't explain it. You just say it like it is."
"Has that ever worked before?"
"I don't know. It's never happened to me. But I know Kaden well enough to know that he appreciates directness way more than some hoo-ha that's far too pompous for such a profound matter." Only Kaia could managed to downplay the matter in such a way.
I shook my head and looked at her. "I don't have a good feeling about this. You realize that, right?"
"Then you should probably get it over with quickly so that feeling goes away. And if you need support, I'm here. I can tell Kaden off if necessary."
"I don't want to force him to do anything. Or talk him into something he doesn't want."
She shrugged. "It's a good thing you're not me. I saw it then and I see it now. If he continues to resist, I'm afraid I will have to tell him that he's not entitled to any woman's attention in the future."
At least that made me smile. Kaia was right. But it was easier for her, as an outsider, to say and do all this than for me, who was far too deeply involved in a relationship with Kaden. I didn't want to hurt him, I didn't want to force anything on him, or leave the impression that I had similar traits to his mother.
If he didn't take my confession well, he would grasp at any straw. Even if it meant demonizing me and turning me into someone I was not. That's how any person who has resisted something for years would react, not wanting to admit they could feel anything. It could be that the idea of feelings disgusted him and he believed he was incapable of trusting anyone on this godforsaken planet, but he was simply wrong.
He trusted me. He showed it to me every time we came close to each other, physically and mentally naked. Kaden was capable of more than he let on.
Determined, I looked at Kaia after she had said nothing more. "Fine. I'll tell him. But if it goes wrong, you book me a flight straight off the island. Deal?"
Kaia held out her hand. "Deal."
* * *
My heartliterally jumped into my throat as soon as I entered the part of the hotel where Kaden's office was located. I could have chosen any place, any time, but before I got in my own way again and talked myself out of telling him, I preferred to get it over with now.
Kaia's words slipped through my mind, but they didn't do anything to calm my nervousness. On the contrary, they caused more anxiety and a sinking feeling in my stomach.
"Kaden has an appointment," the secretary called when she saw me in the corridor. Just a friendly hint, but I ignored it anyway. As far as I was concerned, he could be in a meeting with five of his business partners; I needed to see him now. Not tonight or tomorrow. I needed to see him now.
A strange reaction, actually, considering that I had been carrying this knowledge around with me for a few days and had not been able to say it out loud until now. Until Kaia came around the corner and recognized it without any words from me.
To my surprise, the door to Kaden's office was open and when I turned the corner, I saw him sitting behind his desk– with a woman in a loose summer dress in front of him.
I automatically raised my eyebrows until I was close enough to see that it was not a guest or some business associate, but the woman from the club. The one he had already fucked.
For some completely incomprehensible, irrational reason, I felt jealous. It made me walk nonchalantly into the office. Kaden's eagle-eyed stare did not escape me as I walked around the desk and sat on the glass top next to him.
"Like I said you really should leave." Kaden sounded like he had said that sentence more than once and had been ignored repeatedly in the last few minutes.
"I thought the club had a rule about discretion," I interjected, my eyes fixed strictly on Kaden. The nameless woman didn't see anything but my back, which almost surprised me a little.
Usually I had no interest in jealousy because I had always believed there was nothing to stop a person who really wanted to be unfaithful, but in Kaden's case…
