Page 21 of F*ck You in My Head


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And probably no one would hear either if Lei lived the way I imagined.

I waited for the guilt to set in or for me to doubt that I had made the right decision. None of that happened. Maybe it was too early for that– or maybe I was too numb by now to feel anything, because the opposite was true.

For the first time in a long time, I was having fun. I didn't hear a voice in the back of my head telling me what to do or not do, how to behave in order to please. I didn't have to worry about that with Lei. I never did. Not even in all the years I had pretended he was just a friend of my father's.

His gesture last night was simply representative of everything he had ever done to show me that I was not as deep in the web of control as I had suspected. But today that was undoubtedly the cherry on top. And I hadn't even gotten out of my dress yet.

Lei

Who would have thought I would ever have Audrey Keahi pinned against the door of my apartment, the skirts of her wedding dress billowing around her middle, and her legs wrapped around my waist. I certainly did not. All the more reason for me to take everything she threw at me. And she did. With full hands and a determination that made me wonder what she was testing.

To see if I differed from her ex? What I had actually endured? If I was all words and no action? She had an effect on me, even though nothing was the way it usually was for me. Or maybe just because of that...

I slid my fingers through hers and pressed her hands against the door. As much as I liked to feel them on my body, this time it wouldn't be a hurried act.

"Nice place," she commented, throwing her head back and giving me a look that effortlessly underlined how superior she felt at the moment.

Which was really sweet, because the control over what was about to happen had never really been hers at any point in time. Even though she had proven how easy it was for her to steer my thoughts in a certain direction.

The fascination with her body had not waned. How she moved, what she hid from the public and only revealed when she felt comfortable.

To fathom how we had catapulted ourselves to this point at breakneck speed was more than I could comprehend at the moment. However, my further plans were thwarted before I could drag Audrey into the bedroom and remove her dress.

Someone banged loudly on the door. Audrey's eyes snapped open. I shook my head in warning and froze in my movement, not moving another inch because I didn't intend to make my presence known.

"Come on, I know you're home. Your car's in the garage." The sound of Matthew's voice made me physically jump.

It was not my presence that was the problem. It was Audrey's.

I scrunched face, searching for a solution that would allow us to get away with a black eye. Surely Audrey, sitting on my hip, was not the image her father wanted to see after the wedding fell through.

He banged on the door again, this time ringing the bell. If I didn't react, he would use the key and... I pushed Audrey's back harder against the door.

"What do we do now?" she demanded tonelessly.

As if I were capable of averting the inevitable. I vehemently reminded myself that Matthew was not here because he knew of his daughter's presence, but most likely because he needed someone to talk to about his troubles.

But I couldn't. I was indisposed, not interested in talking to him when I had a much more attractive preoccupation right in front of me, and not to mention that there was no battle plan in place yet to avert the gathering storm. To make a mistake now seemed fatal.

Tense, I clenched my hand into a fist. Waiting in silence for him to disappear was not a reasonable option, was it?

"Stop terrorizing me," I shouted. For some unknown reason, there was an amused undertone in my voice. If he knew...

"Then let me in, damn it."

"Have you heard from Audrey?"

She looked at me like she wanted to kill me.

"No. That's why I need a distraction."

"I'm busy."

"With?" He was probing, how could it be any other way? What was my answer to that question? With your daughter?

"Matt, you know I'm always happy to be here for you, but right now is really not a good time. Let's talk tomorrow, okay?"

His snort was impossible to miss, just as I couldn't miss Audrey trying to melt into the door.

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