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She glanced over her shoulder at me. "Lei, I need more than a friend."
"Then tell me how much clearer I need to be? You're going to get everything you need from me, Audrey. Anything. I didn't think there was any doubt about that."
"Actually, I would call it less doubt and more questioning of why that is."
What the hell was her point? "You need to use more words for me to understand what you mean."
Memories of our night together wanted to come to the fore. Words... I had asked for them back then.
"I mean, I know why I feel like I need more from you. But I can't say the same about you. You haven't shown any interest all these years. Why now?"
Unbelievable. With two long steps I was behind her, turning her toward me. I still wasn't one hundred percent sure what she was talking about. But at least now I knew what she wanted me to say.
"I always knew I didn't stand a chance with you, Audrey. So I took what I could– without creating any unnecessary drama or putting either of us at stupid risk of anyone finding out. I didn't even feel like there was an option for more."
"Funny, I felt the same way." The laughter that followed was anything but genuine.
"Why would you say that?"
She shrugged. "Because there was a summer when I fell head over heels for you. But I thought it was impossible. So I threw myself at Alexander as soon as my father introduced me to him. And as everything has gone to hell since then, I wonder what would have happened if we'd gotten together a lot sooner."
Which part of her statement should I start with? They all went hopelessly to my head. Suddenly, there were no longer just hints or suspicions, but a specific statement that confirmed something I had always ignored– because it was absolutely impossible for me.
But instead of saying the first thing that came to mind, I tried a different approach. "Maybe we shouldn't be having this conversation here? And for the rest, I'm sticking to my guns. Continuing to sleep here is not an option."
"And you're just going to decide that for me now?"
Unimpressed, I shrugged. "Yes. I decided that, in your favor. You might as well wallow in self-pity in my apartment."
"I'm not wallowing-" But Audrey stopped herself, knowing full well that I was ultimately right.
How easy it was for me to imagine her pumping up the air mattress in the evening, lying down on it with her thin blanket and an uncomfortable pillow, and then trying to fall asleep. At which she obviously failed miserably, for the dark circles under her eyes told a story on their own.
She shook her head and looked at me. "You're really making it easy on yourself, aren't you?"
"By choosing not to watch this? Yes."
"Would you offer me the same if we hadn't fucked?"
"Would I be standing here if you hadn't called me?" Would any of this be happening if Audrey and I didn't have a connection?
Finally, she relented. "All right. Tonight at your place. Alone?"
"Who else would I invite? Your father? That would be a pretty bad idea, if you ask me."
A brief hint of annoyance flitted across her features. Maybe it was too early for that kind of joke, but when I thought about him standing outside the door while Audrey was inside leaning against it, her legs wrapped around my waist... yes, it had been ironic.
I held up my hands in appeasement. "Okay, no more jokes about your dad."
"Thank you." She tilted her head and smiled– the first time since I entered the bookstore.
Audrey
Iheld on to my bag as if it would protect me. From whatever I needed to be protected from, as I didn't believe Lei would suddenly turn out to be a serial killer who had lured me into his apartment just to make me his next victim. The thought was so ridiculous that I shook my head and laughed, which earned me a skeptical look from Lei and a raised eyebrow that all too clearly underscored the silent question of whether I was all right.
All right was such a broad term that I pursed my lips and shrugged. How was I supposed to answer? "I guess moving out of the bookstore is a start."
"You really should have called. Ignoring me for days wasn't the best solution."
