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I would have liked to call it intuition, but that would have been wrong. Intuition was just knowing something. It required no further thought, no knowledge of human nature, no attention. But it was not like that. I didn't magically know how far I could go with Audrey and what was reasonable for her. I thought about it. Asked myself questions, as she did. Paid attention to her body language and how it changed about certain things. And that didn't just apply to sexual situations like this, it started in everyday life.
How was I supposed to know where the potential pitfalls were if I wasn't even interested in what was going on in her everyday life? It didn't work that way– and I was actually a little surprised that she didn't pick up on all these little, seemingly unimportant clues and put them together.
Maybe she didn't want to, because that would take away some of the moment's magic. Though I didn't doubt that she had a similar approach when it came to me and what I could tolerate. And what I couldn't.
Either way, we had a deep understanding of each other, combined with an interest in another person...
"The last thing I want to do is hurt you or force you to do anything that would send you back into trauma or behavior you have discarded. Likewise, I don't want to burden you in these moments with anything that is present in your everyday life. I want you to relax and not be triggered by a sexual scenario," I finally replied. "Although I do find this professor role-playing an interesting choice."
Grinning, she looked up at me. "So you've never done this before?"
"No."
"Good, because I was wondering what I could do to catch you off guard. And there wasn't much choice, as far as I was concerned."
"You mean the things I just have no interest in?"
She nodded. "I got my hands on such a list. There are some items that just scream your name."
Another reason why I liked this woman so much. She was making rapid progress in pushing the right buttons with me to get exactly what she wanted. And even though we hadn't even touched a part of what I had classified as an absolute must during sex before her, she knew about it. Because I'd told her, because Audrey was intelligent, and because she cared, even if it wasn't current or relevant, because she just wasn't ready to dip her toes yet.
"Let me guess. The list came from Kaia?"
"Nikau. Kaia came up with this online test. But it didn't tell me anything I didn't already know."
"No? No hidden surprises?"
"Not yet. Who knows what will happen?"
Preferences and interests shifted. Sometimes it was because you got to know something new. Sometimes because you had an experience that had an impact on your life.
"What kind of test was that?" I asked.
"You go online and answer a series of questions on a variety of topics. Then at the end it gives you percentages of what categories you fall into."
"And what sort of questions are they?" For some reason, I wasn't entirely convinced that likes and dislikes really worked that way. For initial orientation, maybe, or just for fun...
"Like,could you imagine giving up your life completely to move into a community that's all about dynamics?" Audrey said it so matter-of-factly that it took me a moment to process what she had said.
"And you never bragged about it because you're enjoying your life for the first time in years. You can't imagine having to control every aspect of your existence anymore, and you'd rather have a man by your side who gives you everything you want than one who constantly controls you and still doesn't make you happy." Of course, I realized how harsh that sounded. Exactly two seconds after I said, "I'm sorry. That may have been a bit direct."
Defensively, Audrey shook her head. "No. It's true, isn't it? And when I say you know me, that's exactly what I mean. You could probably take the test for me and it would come out the same."
I leaned forward a little to kiss her forehead. "But the good thing is, I don't need a test to know who you are, Audrey."
Maybe I just needed one to figure out where this was going.
Audrey
What was now part of my everyday life still felt a little strange. No longer spending most of my time at the mansion and living according to other people's wishes felt better with each passing day. Besides work, seeing Kaia, opening up a whole new group of friends, far away from the high society my parents tended to know, and on top of that I had thefakerelationship with Lei, which always made for funny situations. Our little secret was well kept, as we made sure my parents did not accidentally find out about my current whereabouts.
Tonight was a bit of a challenge in that regard, as Lei had finally talked me into going to a restaurant– even though that was exactly what I had been avoiding. I loved the delivery service, I liked cooking or taking advantage of takeout, but going to a restaurant where you might run into people who couldn't keep their mouths shut was a risk.
I had expected that it would make me nervous and I would eventually back out, but the opposite was true. With Lei's presence, the need to make myself invisible disappeared. Maybe because even my subconscious had realized that I could– and was allowed to– feel absolutely safe in his presence. He had proven that I could trust him. Unconditionally. Blindly, if need be. This foundation was certainly not going to be shaken by a night out on the town.
It was only when I stood in front of the mirror that I realized how much I had missed slipping into a nice dress and putting my hair up. But it was not the act itself that I missed, but that I had chosen everything about my outfit. I had chosen the dress because I liked it. Because it clung to my skin and was a color that made me glow and showed off my hair. It didn't overemphasize my physical features. Rather, it complimented them at best. I was wearing the dress– not the dress me, as it had been the case so many times before.
Anyway, Lei seemed to like what he saw. At least that's what I thought I saw in his eyes as he leaned into the doorway and watched me.
