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Shortly after the proposal, Bennett had clapped Hunter’s shoulders and tugged him into a hug. “That was fast.” He laughed.
“Over a decade in the making.” Hunter had stepped back, his full smile locked in place. “We’ve wasted enough time. It’s time to get on with life.”
Bennett had nodded, shaking Hunter’s hand and then wrapping Janie in a hug. “I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks.” Janie had patted his arm, then glanced behind him.
Bennett hadn’t, but he guessed Janie was looking at Hazel, because when she’d shifted her eyes back to him, there was a hint of pity.
That only stirred the ache in his chest more.
An ache that refused to subside as he and Hazel neared the cabin.
“You’ve been really helpful with the kids, Zel.” He felt inane as he spoke, but the long silence had become unbearable. He didn’t want to dwell in it a moment longer. “Especially with Nathan. Thank you.”
Stopping at the bottom of the deck steps, Hazel turned and looked up. “You don’t have to thank me.”
They were good together—worked together well. She made his life easier—better. And he’d seen so much growth in her over the past several months.
And he loved her. Man, how he loved her.
Tonight, love hurt. Like a giant hole in his chest, filled with a longing that seemed would never be quenched.
Hazel bit her lip, raised one hand to his chest. “Bennett . . .”
He could feel the strain in her voice and knew exactly what she was going to say.Let’s not change anything. . . And he resolved to say okay. Kiss her good night and walk back toward the lodge alone.
“We could try . . .” Hazel’s whisper blindsided him.
Brows furrowing, Bennett lifted his look from their joined hands to her eyes. “Try?”
She swallowed. “You . . . we . . .” She wet her lips. “We could live together.”
His gut clenched, as if she’d kicked him. He wanted to cry—because this was his fault. He’d led her to believe that that sort of arrangement would be good enough. He wanted to be angry, because how could she think, after the conversations they’d had over the summer, that it would be good enough?
But that night, as he felt her heart’s brokenness as much as he felt his own, Bennett shook his head and covered the small hand that rested on his chest. “It’s been a good night. Let’s not ruin it.”
Hazel looked toward her cabin, rolling her lips together. Then she nodded. Finally in what seemed like a forced move, she met his gaze again. “I do love you, Bennett.”
His lips quivered. He bent and brushed a kiss across her mouth. Then he turned, releasing her hand, and strode into the dark wilderness.
Midway back to the lodge, Bennett stopped. If he looked at just the right angle, he could see Hazel’s lake, the black water catching the light of the rising moon.
Tears seeped onto his cheeks as he thought about the story in Genesis he’d recently read. Esau had sold his blessing for a bowl of soup, trading the future of blessing for a moment of satisfaction.
Bennett had done the same thing.
“God, I’m sorry . . .”
His shoulders quaked as he lowered onto the snow-covered earth. There he sat, hands covering his face.
How many times could he fail before God would give up on him?
That was not the last time you saw Esau . . .
The whisper nestled into his tumultuous mind. Bennett’s knowledge of the Bible was limited, but he’d read enough to know that when Esau and Jacob had finally met again, years after their dramatic fallout, the older brother was not the vengeful man one would have expected. Though Jacob approached his estranged brother with well-deserved fear, Esau greeted Jacob with open arms.
Something had happened in Esau that enabled him to live well—even if he was not the chosen brother. Even if he’d traded his birthright for a moment of fleshly satisfaction.
There was mystery in that. And in that hard, desperate moment, a glimmer of hope.
Bennett’s thoughts moved from the Old Testament to the New, to a teaching of Jesus in Matthew. As he wiped his eyes and raised his face toward the starry night, he repeated the simple prayer of the tax collector in Jesus’s parable. “God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
That was all he could ask or do. He couldn’t change Hazel. He couldn’t make this pain go away. But he could cast himself upon the mercy of God.
No, that wasn’t all. That was everything.
THE END
