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But I was going to own my crazy and deal with it in the best way I knew how. No one had batted an eye when I’d blown apart the training room. Honestly, it seemed like pretty normal behavior for demonic whack jobs. And since I’d joined the whack job club—albeit unwillingly—I was going to take advantage of the perks.
Eyeing the house, I felt a thrill run through me. “Fifi,” I called out.
“Yes, my liege Bitch Goddess Cecily?”
“You’re positive this house is empty?”
“On the life of my secret love, Sean Bloom, I swear it is indeed empty,” she promised.
“Umm… not really a secret,” I muttered under my breath.
Even so, I inhaled the lemon-scented breeze and went for it. Wiggling my fingers then slashing my arms through the air, I detonated the adorable Craftsman house. The loud boom as the house exploded made me hope that the magical ward around our neighborhood would muffle the sound. It was gnarly to watch it burn. However, I had to admit I felt less stressed. Property destruction was cleansing.
“You done, motherfucker?” Candy yelled from my front porch, grinning from ear to ear.
“Just getting started,” I informed her as I marched back across the street and into my house.
“That’s my badass,” she said, smacking me on my backside and sending me flying.
Abaddon caught me. His amusement was evident. He winked and kissed me soundly on the lips. It made me tingle and forget about the horrible task ahead of me for all of ten seconds. Dragging him back to my bedroom and forgetting about life for a few hours sounded like heaven.
Heaven would have to wait.
Moon Sunny Swartz bowed low then bounced up and down like she had to pee.
“You have something to say?” I asked.
“I have a plan,” she squealed.
“Jesus Homer Christ,” Cher mumbled. “Does anyone need a valium?”
I almost said yes. “What’s your plan, Moon?”
“It’s genius,” she replied as she lovingly stroked my favorite overstuffed chair and began to rotate her hips.
“If you hump my chair, I’ll electrocute you,” I told her.
“Roger that,” she said, quickly moving away from the piece of furniture. “So, do you wanna hear it?”
“No, but that’s never stopped me before,” I said. “Tell me.”
CHAPTERSEVEN
It tookMoon all of three minutes to spew out her plan. She spoke fast—very fast. There were several points where I was sure I’d misunderstood her, but from everyone else's expressions in the room… I hadn’t.
It took ten minutes of silence to take it in.
Abaddon paced back and forth. I had no freaking clue what the man was thinking. Several times he opened his mouth to speak then thought better of it and continued pacing.
Fifi and Sushi whispered with each other. I had a very good idea about what the two Succubi were discussing, considering the roles Moon had in mind for them in herplan. Cher found some white wine in my kitchen, and poured everyone a glass before drinking the rest straight from the bottle.
Irma and Ophelia were just shocked, but seemed to be leaning towards a yes.
Only Corny and Uncle Joe were nonplussed. They were discussing the difficulties of being a nudist if one loved hiking. Honestly, Moon’s proposal was so far out there, I’d much rather discuss how to keep my privates safe from mosquitos and the dangers of wiping one’s ass with poison ivy.
No such luck. I had to deal with theplan.
I liked some of the it, but most of it was flat out ridiculous. I understood Abaddon’s dilemma. Every time I tried to give an intelligent reply nothing came out of my mouth.
