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The last two weeks have flown by.
I have noticed Maisey and Cam have gotten close. Maisey smiles and laughs more now and her grades have much improved. This past week, I observed Maisey and Cam dressing up her stuffed animals. The look on Cam’s face warmed me. I don’t think I have ever seen any of the other nannies look at my daughter the way Cam does. Cam’s face was full of love. Maisey needs that. A little thought pops into my head,I need that.
Surprisingly, Cam has yet to crawl into my bed. It’s usually within the first week that it happens. I still haven’t told Cam I know who she really is and if she has figured out who I am, well, she hasn’t indicated that. She keeps our relationship professional, which I appreciate. It’s hard enough raising a daughter as a single dad without having to ward off unwanted advances. My heart is still a mess after Nicoli and I’m not about to start something with a woman who works for me.
Maisey stirs in my lap and stretches, floppy drops to the ground. I lean over and pick him up and set him in her lap.
“What would you like to do today?” She stretches and says, “Hang out with you, Daddy.”
My heartstrings are tugged taught. My little lifesaver. If it wasn’t for her, I would not have made it through my wife’s passing. She brightened my life and made me a better man. Losing her was one of the hardest things I went through. Maisey pulled me out of my depression. Having her to take care of pulled me from the bottom of the pit I was headed toward. I miss her every day but see her in Maisey. The way she walks, how she talks, and some of her mannerisms. Maybe I didn’t lose my wife, after all.
“Ok, munchkin. Do you want to go to the Spaghetti Palace today at the mall?” I suggest. It is one of our favorite places to catch a meal.
Squeals and laughter resounded around the balcony, bouncing off the brick. I took that as a yes.
“Let’s go get dressed, shall we? And don’t wear anything white, ok?” She skipped ahead of me, Floppy bouncing up and down with each wave of her arm.
Dressed in pants, a pink top that her mother gave her before she passed, and pink sneakers, we are ready to leave the house.
We arrive at the mall restaurant and get a seat in a booth. The server pops by two menus and two glasses of water before dashing off to assist one of the other tables.
The restaurant is a small family-owned business that we love to frequent. It has a vast kids menu but I already know what Maisey is going to get as she gets it every time.
“What looks good to you, sweetie?” I read through the kid's menu with her and she chose macaroni and cheese. “Good choice.”
“What are you having?” Maisy tugs on my sleeve as I look the menu over.
“I think I will have the spaghetti and meatballs.” She giggles, knowing that is what I always get.
I saw crayons and some coloring sheets near the entrance when we walked in, so I pull those over so she can color while we wait for our meal.
“Daddy?”
“Yes baby.”
“Why did God take mommy from us?” I let out a puff of air, taken completely off guard. I take some deep breaths before answering. How do I answer this to a small child. She was only two when her mother died. She doesn’t remember her and if she does, it’s snippets out of context.
“I wish I knew the answer to that. I do know mommy hasn’t left us completely. We have our memories of her. You have the stories I tell you about her. She’s right there,” I point at her heart, “Always.”
As is common with kids her age, she took in the information and went back to coloring.
Our food came and we ate slowly, enjoying the food and hanging out together. My thoughts lingered on the conversation I just had with my daughter. She doesn’t ask about her mother often. I wonder if it’s her interaction with Cam. She could be sensing that she should have two parents and only has one. I fill in as much as possible as mom, but the crux of the matter is that there is nothing that replaces a mothers presence.
We spend the rest of the meal in silence, both stuck in our own thoughts. I stare at Maisey, wondering what she is thinking about but knowing she is just a kid. Her mind could be on anything.
After we ate, I decide I want to do a bit of shopping after we finish. I pass by the Aeropostale store on my way to look at some dress pants a few doors down when I see Cam walking opposite on the other side.
She has on a white blouse and a tight pair of blue jeans, she looks impeccable.
I wave to get her attention.
She glances my way and raises her hand in recognition. We meet in the middle of the aisle, a neutral zone, where husbands sit on benches and wait interminable amounts of time for their wives to finish maxing out their credit cards.
“How are you enjoying your day off?” I ask.
She seems a bit aloof but it’s probably just a running into your boss on your day off feeling.
“It’s going ok, I guess.” She says. I look down expecting to see loads of bags in her hands since I just paid her. She has one tiny bag from a discount store. Interesting.
