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She stretches, and the hem of her silk pajama top rides up so I can see her belly button. I clutch the pillow against me for dear life.
“Why are you holding a pillow over yourself?” She sits up, staring at me with a dubious expression. Her long hair is messy, and her eyes heavy lidded from sleep. She’s so beautiful that I want to collapse onto the bed and beg her to pet me like a dog.
“No reason. I’m going to take a shower. Have to get to the track. Practice day. And stuff. You know. Gotta go work out.” I stand up and back away, babbling and still holding the pillow like a fool.
I quickly change into workout gear in the bathroom and walk into the living area, where Lily is already sitting at the desk, staring at a computer screen. Her leg is bouncing up and down, which tells me she’s feeling as awkward as I am.
There’s a knock on the door, and Lily whirls. “Were you expecting anyone?”
I’d hoped she would stay in the bedroom. “I’m sure it’s Lucas.”
A quick peek through the peephole reveals it is, indeed, him. I swing open the door a few inches. “Hey. I’ll be right out.”
He tries to peer around me. “Have you eaten breakfast?”
“Not yet. Maybe we can downstairs. Lemme put on my shoes.”
I shut the door in his face, feeling awful for being so rude. I quickly lace up my sneakers and glance up at Lily’s back.
“See you at the track,” I say.
She looks over at me and gives a little wave good-bye. It’s difficult to decipher her reaction to our physical closeness this morning. All I know is that I can’t shake the feeling of her body next to mine.
I slip out of the room, making sure Lucas can’t see inside. In the hallway, he hoists a large gym bag higher on his shoulder.
“Did you have a guest last night?”
It’s an unusual question. When I was sleeping around he never asked me about the women, or who I spent the night with. I’m a terrible liar, so I sigh.
“Yeah. Lily.”
His eyes widen and his mouth opens, and he’s going to say something, but the elevator doors slide open. We step inside and the tension is thick between the two of us. The elevator stops on the next floor down. An entire family enters: mom, dad, and two teen boys.
“Oh my god, it’s Max Becker,” one of the kids says. “We’re headed to join the line for this morning’s event at the track.”
I make a show of checking my watch. “At five forty-five in the morning? That’s dedication.”
The mother laughs. “That’s what you get when you live with three Formula World stans.”
Everyone in the elevator chuckles.
“How about an autograph,” I say, happy to have interrupted the conversation with Lucas. He extracts a Sharpie and two printed photos of me from a folder in the gym bag—he always carries them because fans always want an autograph—and I sign them, using the backs of the kids as a table. They’re overjoyed and ask me a few questions about the race.
When that’s done, Lucas and I hit the gym in the hotel. It’s reserved for us, and once inside, he takes out a pair of suspension trainers.
“Listen, your sex life is private. I’ve never once cared who you’re sleeping with. But Lily? Come on, man. You know she’s bad for you.”
“We didn’t have sex.” I take the straps from him. “She didn’t have anywhere else to stay because of a screwup with the hotel.”
He shakes his head. “How can you forget what she did to you? How angry you were?”
I attach one suspension trainer around the metal post of a weight machine. “I’m still angry. But it’s complex. I care for her, and can’t shut her out. She’s also my boss. Our boss.”
“That doesn’t mean you have to get cozy with her.”
No, it doesn’t. But I want to, and I know that’s a problem.
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