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There’s another awful few seconds of silence. “Papa, please say something.”
“I know, kamari mou. I just want you to be happy. If this is what’s going to make you happy . . .” The cell connection fades into static for a moment.
“What?” I shout. “I can’t hear you.”
There’s a jostling and my father swears aloud. “Eileen, I’m going to FaceTime. I need to see Lily,” he says crossly.
“Papa?” I move the phone from my ear in time to see the video flicker on, a closeup of his ear.
“Like this, Adrian.” Mum comes into the frame sideways. “Here. Prop it up like this.”
The video rights itself and my father’s head and shoulders come into view. He looks incredibly scowly with his bushy salt-and-pepper eyebrows knitted together. He’s so close to the camera I can see his nose hair.
“There we go,” I say. “What were you saying?”
“I want you to be happy, and if Max makes you happy, I’m not going to stand in your way. Not this time. All those years ago, I didn’t like that you and Max were together, mostly because I thought you were both too young and he was working for the competition. You were my baby. I was worried he was using you for information. Or worse. Using you for sex.”
I grimace. This is not the direction I want this conversation to go. “He wasn’t using me. And I was well over twenty-one at the time.”
“You’re always my baby.”
“Alwaysourbaby,” Mum hollers in the background.
He shakes his head. “Men in Formula World, well, their first few years can be unpredictable in the sport. They usually sleep around, and I didn’t want you to get hurt. Then when you left to take the gaming job, I figured it was over. I watched over the years as Max grew and changed into the man he is today.”
“You’re not angry?” I have to rest my hand on the desk because everything seems so unreal.
“Angry?” He sighs. “No. It’s not an optimal situation, with the two of you, but we’ll handle it. God knows we can’t deny our desires. If we could, I would’ve left your mother a long time ago. But when you find your person, there’s no letting go.”
“Yeah.” I sigh.
“I actually blame myself.”
Oh god. Way to make me feel even more guilty. “What? Why? About me and Max?”
“No, no. If I never had this damn heart attack, we wouldn’t be in this position.” He runs a hand through his thick silver hair.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter.
“No, I’m sorry. I wish I could be there. Hopefully in a few races.” The disappointment is heavy in his voice, and I can tell he’s not happy from the way his lips are pressed tight together.
“Don’t rush back on my account. Max and I can put things on pause. It’s more important for me that you take care of your health. I’m sorry for putting you in this position, having to read all these headlines.” I’m trying not to cry, but for some reason the waterworks have opened a spigot and are free flowing today.
That’s it. That’s what I’ll do. Later tonight I’ll tell Max that we need to cool off for a while, at least until Papa returns. I’m sure Max will be okay with that since he’s been so gentle and caring. We can figure out our future later—we’ve got the rest of our lives for that.
“That’s probably the best plan, Lily. Focus on work now. And listen to Tanya about what to say to the press. She knows best. It’s why I hired her, because she’s ruthless. If she tells you to do something, do it.” He tilts his chin downward and frowns.
I press my hand to my forehead. “Will do. I’ll get through this. We’ll get through this. I promise, I won’t mess this up.”
“I know you won’t, kamari mou.”
When we say our I love yous and our good-byes, then hang up, I should feel relieved that Papa isn’t pissed. Somehow, though, his anger would’ve been preferable to the disappointment written all over his face.
◊
EVIE
“How does it feel?”
