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A baffled expression crossed Dirk’s face. “How do you know that?”
“I have a friend—had a friend—who died that way. She wasn’t pregnant and she did everything the doctors recommended—chemo, radiation, and radical surgery—the minute she found out...and she still died. Ovarian cancer...” She breathed deeply. “It’s almost never discovered in stage I, when the prognosis for full recovery is good. Even in stage II, it’s extremely difficult to diagnose. By the time stage III is reached...” She shook her head with regret and added gently, “Even if she hadn’t been pregnant, you can’t know your wife would have survived. And if she loved you, she would have wanted your child, no matter the risk to herself.”
“That’s what Juliana said.”
She knew he was talking about the queen of Zakhar. “She was right. Your wife chose to take the risk, chose to give you a gift from her heart before she died. You would dishonor her by thinking otherwise.”
The silence between them stretched endlessly until Dirk finally said, “You’re right. Bree gave me Linden and Laurel to cherish. The last thing she said to me before the doctors took her in for surgery was—” He broke off as if the memory was too painful. Eventually, in a deep rasp, he said, “She told me, ‘I regret nothing. I have loved and been loved. Our babies are an extension of that. Please love them as you love me.’ Almost as if she knew she wasn’t going to make it. Almost as if she was afraid I wouldn’t love our babies if something happened to her.”
His chest heaved as he made a valiant attempt to keep a tight rein on his emotions. “I do love them, Mei-li. I love them more than anything in the world. Would I sacrifice my life for them? In a heartbeat. That’s why it’s killing me to know they’re paying the price for my sins. That they were taken by Terrell Blackwood as revenge on me because I killed his son.”
“We’ll get them back,” she promised him rashly, knowing he needed to hear those words at this moment, even if they were a lie. But they’re not a lie, she told herself stoutly. Because anything else is unthinkable.
Then she kissed him. It started slow and gentle, more for comfort than anything else. But then a hunger for this man exploded inside her—a hunger and a need to reassure him that he wasn’t alone. That they would survive...together.
She ached for him physically and emotionally. The physical ache she understood. His arms closed around her like bands of steel as they sat on the piano bench, his hands sliding over her body with a kind of desperation, as if he needed to touch her, hold her, to believe she was real.
Mei-li had loved Sean as much as any twenty-year-old was capable of, and he had felt the same. Their feelings had found their outlet in lovemaking that had been fulfilling for both of them. She’d never felt passion like this, though, as if her body was on fire from the inside out.
But it was the emotional ache that devastated her. She didn’t just want to make love to this man, she wanted to love him. She wanted to show Dirk that life didn’t end when a loved one dies, much as you might want it to at the time. Wanted to prove to him that feelings could be rekindled from the ashes. Not a substitute for the old, but something new, forged in the fire of loss and stronger for it.
Eventually, though, Dirk pulled back. Separating himself from her, but not all the way. Mei-li wouldn’t have been able to bear it if he had. His forehead touched hers as he whispered, “I want you. God knows I want you. But...”
“I know,” she whispered back, her lips only a breath away from his. She kissed him, but lightly. A kiss of reassurance, not passion. But she couldn’t completely eradicate the pain from her voice when she said, “This doesn’t end here, but first things first.” Then she slid away from him on the piano bench and stood. Don’t look at him, she warned herself, because that would only have brought the ache back. Physical and emotional.
She headed for Dirk’s study and grabbed the ransom bag, but when she emerged he was standing right there, waiting for her. His arms enfolded her, but instead of kissing her he pressed her cheek to his chest and held it there. “I hurt you.” The rumble of his voice reverberated beneath her ear. “I didn’t mean to.”
“You didn’t. Don’t think that, Dirk. Don’t ever think it.” She raised her face to his. “I let myself lose focus—that won’t happen again, I promise. But...” She couldn’t tell him what was in her heart, but she had to say this much. “When this is all over, when we’ve rescued your daughters...don’t walk away. Please.”
