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He dropped the phone onto the counter that he had me pinned against and brought his free hand to my throat, squeezing.
Idiot. He had a finger in my mouth. I bit down as hard as I could, and suddenly I was flying through the air again.
‘You fucking cunt!’ Dornan yelled, as I crashed into the bathroom door.
Dazed, and with blood in my mouth – his, not mine – I scrambled to my knees, crawling away from him.
I wasn’t fast enough, and the only escape in this room was the goddamn door anyway. He was between me and that precious exit, so I had nowhere to go.
There was never anywhere to go.
How many times had I repeated that thought to myself lately?
Too many.
Hands found my hair and yanked me up. I decided I was going to shave my head so he couldn’t use my hair as a weapon against me anymore. For now, wanting to keep my scalp, I followed his momentum as he tossed me onto the bed.
‘This finger is very fucking important,’ he said, holding up his bloodied index finger. ‘I use it to shoot people. I use it when I ride. I use it when I fuck you.’ He leaned down so that his nose was touching mine, his breath hot on my mouth. ‘If you’ve damaged it, I’ll cut yours off. I’ll cut all of them off.’
‘Don’tbesuchababy,’ I said, my words slurring together. He slapped me across the face, but I barely felt it. Something had dulled in my head when it hit the bathroom door. My thoughts were slow. My pain receptors slower.
A hand wrapped around my throat and squeezed, Dornan’s expression resigned as he stared down at me. ‘Whose fucking blood is it?’
Tears were streaming out of my eyes of their own accord, an entirely reflexive response. I felt like I was about to die.
‘Mine,’ I said. ‘The blood is mine.’
He shook me. ‘You’re LYING!’
Jesus, fuck, he was going to kill me.
‘I cut myself!’ I gasped, fighting for breath, for the ability to speak. ‘You know I cut myself. It’s my blood. I swear.’
Dornan appeared torn. ‘You promised me you didn’t do that anymore.’
‘I started doing it again,’ I lied.
He loosened his fingers a little and I tried to get up, but he wasn’t having that. Staring twin bullet holes into my head, he straddled me, one knee on either side of my chest. I tried to push him off, but he was too heavy. Too strong. His knees squeezed my ribcage until I thought my lungs would burst.
‘Keep talking,’ he ground out. ‘Why? Why should I believe you? Why would you start hurting yourself again?’
‘I found out my whole family was dead.’
Shock registered on Dornan’s face. ‘What?’
The truth, now. My eyes filled with tears and spilled over.
‘Your father had them killed,’ I whispered.
I could barely make out the expression on Dornan’s face anymore. My eyes weren’t focusing, and I wanted to pass out.
His fingers tightened.This is it. This is where I die. Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes as I ached for my son. For John. They’d never even know what had become of me. They’d never know that I didn’t want to be married to Dornan, or that I’d fought to get back to them. They’d just never know, and I’d be gone. I wondered, in those moments, my fingernails scratching against Dornan’s hands, if he’d burn me or bury me. Would I sink into the earth? Would he bury me in the desert? Would he just leave me here, in this room, for the maid to find when she came to make the beds and restock the minibar?
Please, I mouthed. Dornan was killing me, and he wasn’t even watching as I died. I could feel the life ebbing from me as I starved for oxygen, my brain screaming for a single breath of air, my chest locked and shuddering. He seemed momentarily distracted, his fingers loosening a little, and I took the opportunity to twist my head to the side and bite his hand.
He pulled his hands away, giving me an annoyed glance and a smack on the cheek, but nothing compared to what he’d been doing earlier.
I choked and gasped for air, prompting Dornan to reach for a bottle of Evian that sat on the bedside table, courtesy of the hotel. A five-dollar bottle of water, but I would have paid a million dollars for it. He unscrewed it and handed it to me, watching silently as I chugged it down. I drank it too fast and I coughed, getting water down the front of my dress in the process.
