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The room is suffocatingly silent, save for the sound of my own ragged breathing. I force my hand to remain still, but my fingers continue to curl around Eden’s throat. She feels so tiny and small in my hand. I only need to squeeze and it’ll be over.
I try to convince myself that it’s an honorable thing to do.
No matter who accepted the hit, the result would have been the same. A dead son.
Against my fingertips, Eden’s heartbeat quickens, and the rapid rhythm of her pulse hypnotizes me. It lures me deeper into temptation. It beats swiftly, a siren song that ridicules and mocks my inability to do what is necessary.
A voice in my head taunts me as the shadows come closer.
I saved you, Kolya. And you can’t even avenge me.
I study Eden’s face. Her thick lashes cast shadows on her cheeks, the gentle curve of her lips, and the rise and fall of her chest as she breathes.
Do it, you coward! You lovesick fool!
“No …” I whisper. “No, I’m the pakhan. Not you.”
Slowly I take my hand off her throat, but the warmth lingers on my skin. Her heartbeat gradually returns to normal, as if sensing the danger has passed. Eden stirs slightly, but her eyes remain closed.
For a long moment, I stand there, paralyzed by the thought of how close I came. I shake my head, trying to dispel the shadows that haunt the fringes of my sanity.
Have it your way, Kolya. But no matter how hard you fight, you’ll never right that wrong.
“She’s not the one who wronged you,” I admit under my breath. “A father’s sins do not pass to his child.”
My gaze stays on Eden as I slowly step away from the bed. I leave the shadows behind as I walk out into the hallway. My feet carry me down the stairs, through the main hallway, and out to the terrace.
I step out into the moonlight and stare at the tall, angular tower. The one my mother leaped from. Eroded planes of carved white stone glow against the dark sky like a beacon. It stands alone like I do now as my head slowly clears, and the wind dries the cold sweat off my face.
65
EDEN
I jolt awake,disoriented by a change in the room. I blink until I can make out the shapes in the dark. The soreness in my throat and between my legs is a reminder of what we just did.
I am alone, yet a part of me wishes that Nikolai was sleeping next to me with his arm draped over my waist. I stare at the door for a moment, wondering if he were here with me, might I be tempted into doing something daring and possibly very foolish?
He’d have no way of defending himself in that state. He’d be entirely at my mercy.
You’re not a killer, Eden,I tell myself.
And with that, I fall back into the pillow and feel myself fade back into a deep sleep.
Each day,I can feel the distance widening between us until days later, we act like strangers who mutually ignore each other.I spend more time downstairs in the living room, if only to eavesdrop, but Nikolai is careful to keep the office door firmly shut. I eye him as he walks out of the office with Pavel, and memories of that night surge back into my brain.
One action easily leads to another before everything we do ends in sex.
Not romance but desire fed by power and hate.
I squirm on the couch, pretending to stare at the newsfeed on my phone, checking for today’s homicides. I look up. Nikolai watches me from the elevator as the doors close, and Pavel disappears.
“We won’t be dining together tonight.” He stops beside me, and I blank the screen on my phone.
“Why? You have something better to do?” My tone is loaded down with sarcasm.
Nikolai’s hand is faster than my reaction. He swipes my phone out of my hands, and the screen illuminates as he scrolls through it.
“Hey!” I jump up to grab it back, but he easily seizes me around the waist with one arm. My body presses against hard muscles, and my need heats up as if I stroked a live wire.
