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Nikolai groans loudly as he slowly enters me. He definitely doesn’t care if anyone can hear him. He squishes up his face as if he’s in pain, but then he relaxes into a low moan. His eyes flutter open, and panting, he looks at me. The way he looks at me makes me forget that it hurts. But it’s a good hurt. And I hold onto him as he pushes into me again.
I catch my breath as he kisses my shoulder. “It’s bigger than I was expecting.”
It was a dumb thing to say, but Nikolai smiles. “Every man wants to hear that.” He kisses me again as he slowly starts to rock back and forth, holding my hips against his.
I close my eyes as he gently thrusts into me again and again. I moan as my world goes crazy.
“Do you like it?” he whispers.
I open my eyes, but I can’t speak, so I bite my lip as another moan punches from the depths of my throat.
“Wrap your legs around me,” he says.
I wrap my legs tight, and the teasing stops as he moves hard and fast into me. I shake against him, unable to hold my breath as I cling to his back. My eyes won’t stay open as my mind loses concentration. I moan each time Nikolai enters me and gasp as he pulls out. I open my eyes a little and Nikolai is staring down at me, watching me intensely. It drives me over the edge.
“Oh yes. Oh, fuck me. Please fuck me!” I shout at him.
Nikolai’s movements become more urgent, and my body matches his rhythm. I can feel the tension climbing deep within me, ready to release. He senses it too and quickens his pace, driving us both closer and closer to the edge. I come again, watching the lights on the ceiling as I cry out his name.
Nikolai shuts his eyes and groans loudly, swearing that he’d fuck me every day if I wanted it. It’s the best first of my life so far. I’m so overcome with happiness that I want to do it again. Nikolai practically collapses on top of me as my legs fall to the sides. My arms wrap around him, holding his sweaty, heaving body close to mine.
Nikolai moves to get off me. “I don’t want to crush you.”
I grab him tight. “No. Not yet. I like the feeling.”
We lie like that for a long time. I press my nose against his hair and stroke my fingers along his back. He sighs as he nuzzles his face against my chest. Suddenly, Nikolai gets up, grabbing a spotless drop cloth and wiping me down before himself.
“That’s perfect,” he says. “Hold that pose.”
I giggle, thinking he’s teasing, but I freeze when he gives me a stern look.
I watch Nikolai stride naked across the studio, and he returns with a pad and a stick of charcoal. His gaze returns to its wary intensity, but it doesn’t scare me. He tears a sheet off and starts on a fresh page until there are a dozen drawings strewn on the floor.
It shocks me that I have any effect on him. But life has had a strange way of showing me that I know nothing about anything.
He puts down his pad and smiles. “We’re definitely doing that again.”
I bite the tip of my finger while I gaze at him. “I won’t say no.”
Afterward, we lie tangled together among paint tubes and brushes. The world outside the studio stays away, and I wonder if we’ll stay together.
I realize that I could fall for Nikolai easily, but there’s a bigger problem than me losing my virginity. But for now, I feel safe—just the two of us alone in his studio.
And I can’t imagine being with anyone else.
39
NIKOLAI
I stumbleinto the penthouse and plow into a small pedestal, ignoring the handblown vase that crashes to the floor. I step on the shards of red and blue glass in my path, breathing unevenly as I move forward. Blood stains my hands and the sleeves of my jacket. A reminder of the life I just took. A bitter taste fills my mouth, and I hate the world. The adrenaline isn’t gone yet.
“Nikolai!” Eden sucks in her breath. “What happened to you?” She sits on the floor, a large glossy book open under her fingertips. She is motionless as she stares at me, taking in my wrecked and ruined appearance.
“Nothing,” I snap, staggering down the hallway past her.
But Eden won’t listen. Instead, she follows, pestering me with questions.
“What happened?” she insists.
