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I flinch at the mention of their father, but I refuse to let her see how much that comparison hurts. “I won’t lose sight of who I am, Larissa,” I say, my voice trembling slightly. “I may be a child of both the Lanzzare and the Starukhin, but my loyalty will always be with Nikolai.”
“Right now, I have a hard time seeing the Starukhin side in you,” she replies coldly.
Her words sting, but I push through the pain. I’m walking a dangerous tightrope for love, revenge, and family. An unforgivable past fuels our hate, and I wonder if a truce will ever be possible.
I feel trapped by all my decisions and actions. It’s a game of power and control, and I’m learning the rules while everyone else knows how to play. But I hold onto hope, even if it means embracing sins I thought I’d never commit.
“You’ve learned to play this game better than I thought,” Larissa says, speaking as if she can read minds. “But the better a player you become, the more people you’ll be willing to hurt.”
“That’s not fair,” I protest, but think of all the people who aren’t here because of me.
“Would you hurt me if that’s all part of the plan?” She looks at me with an intensity that makes me squirm.
I stumble over my words, trying to make her understand that hurting anyone is the last thing I want. “Lara, I … I’d never hurt you. You have to know that.”
“Yet you are willing to send my brother off to do your dirty work,” she snaps, turning away from me. Her voice cracks, and I know she’s trying to hold back tears. “Leave me alone.”
I’m reluctant to leave the room, but I do. She’s not wrong. Somehow, I have become the source of her pain. As I close the door behind me, I press my ear against it, listening. A sniffle reaches my ears, and guilt washes over me like a sudden downpour.
Nikolai was right. I’m losing my innocence.
No, I correct myself. It’s already gone.
Standing outside the door, my choices weigh on me. Larissa’s warning echoes in my mind, making me question how many more people I’m willing to hurt for my goal. My love for Nikolai has led me down that same path of revenge. It’s forcing me to choose between staying true to myself or getting what I want. I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts.
My focus is on protecting my baby and securing my future with Nikolai, even if it means embracing my inner darkness.
This is all temporary. It has to be.
Right?
I walk down the hallway with a heart weighed down by my decisions. Rurik appears from around a corner, a look of concern in his eyes when he catches sight of my expression.
“Is everything all right?” he asks, his gruff voice filled with surprising gentleness.
“Of course,” I reply, forcing a smile. “Just tired.”
“What happened since the penthouse?” Rurik asks. “I want to hear your version.”
We walk into the living room, and I unburden myself to Rurik. I’ve never thought of him as a confidante, but the concern in his expression makes me trust him and see him differently. It’s because he listens without judgment. And if he does judge, he holds it in until I’m done talking.
I start to understand why Larissa loves him.
Rurik pats my shoulder and pauses for a moment before speaking. “Doubt is the worst emotion to fall prey to, EdenZakharovna. It can eat you alive from the inside. Does she need me?”
I nod quickly, not daring to ask.
Rurik leaves the room, and from down the hallway, a door slams, and I hear Larissa’s voice. “No, Rurik. You promised to guard me. That was his order.”
I turn and watch Rurik walk past and disappear out the side door, and Larissa scrambles to keep up with his long strides. He shuts the door between them, forcing her to stay in the house. When she turns, I see the pain on her face, and then she sees me. Her face turns into a mask of hate as she stares at me before she runs to her bedroom.
I hurry off to the guest room, and I feel a sudden fluttering sensation in my belly. My hand instinctively goes to my stomach, and I wonder if it’s the baby kicking. Can I truly raise my child in this world of violence?
Will I one day be sending out my own child to kill someone in the name of protecting our family?
Is that not what Gennady did to his sons?
You sound just like him. Like my father.
