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“No.” But it had for a long fucking time.
“You said two years ago. Was it during the Dominion attack?”
“Yes.” He wondered if she knew he’d been fighting on their side and not the Dominion’s.
“Angie said you fought for us. I knew she wouldn’t lie to me, but I still didn’t really believe it. You did, didn’t you? You got this fighting for Reka 5.”
He shrugged, pretending he really didn’t care as that familiar sense of despair and frustration filled him again. “Not that it matters.”
“Oh. Why not?” She removed her hand from his back. “Do you regret coming to our aid?”
“No.”
“Then why doesn’t it matter?”
“I’m not going to lie to you and say that I came to Reka 5 to make up for what I’d done to the people here. It crossed my mind a few times. But the truth was, I had a ship full of humans and Talleans who wanted nothing more than to see the Dominion burn. They wanted revenge, and so did I.”
“I appreciate the honesty,” Delaney said. “Truthfully, I’d never have believed it if you said you did it for a good cause.”
“And you’ll tell me to my face.”
“Yup.”
“We drove off the Dominion, but I lost a ship that day and, along with it, many good males.” Ulrek took a shaky breath, remembering that moment when he’d realized that he’d been leading with his feelings, and that was deadly. They’d gotten their revenge, but at what cost?
It wasn’t until after he’d spent more time in the outer planets that he’d started wondering if he could make up for the things he’d done to the people here. Though Ulrek wouldn’t admit it out loud, he and his crew did everything under the guise of revenge. Things were easier that way.
“I offered Ryek and Holden my continued support. My fleet is at their disposal should another attack come.” He clenched his hands in tight fists, knowing that it wasn’t enough. Even if he sacrificed his life at the next Dominion attack, people would still hate him. “I know you probably don’t believe it, but I spent my whole life trying to follow the right path. I tried to live up to my sire’s legacy and make my mother happy spreading the Goddess’ love.”
Ulrek couldn’t miss the scowl on Delaney’s face.
“See. Your reaction says it all. Now that I’ve been out here and see another way of living, I understand. But back then, the Goddess was all I had. I know it doesn’t excuse my actions in your eyes, but I hadn’t known any other life. As far as I can remember, the bells would ring, and I’d get on my knees and pray to Her. Anyone who didn’t know Her was pitied and needed to be saved.”
Ulrek didn’t know Delaney’s scowl could get worse, but it did.
“I see now how fanatical that sounds, but I believed that shit for years. I’d known since the moment I learned my name that I’d be expected to follow in my father’s footsteps and be Her sword. There’d been no other choice. I lived my whole life trying to make them happy, trying to be the best son.In the academy, we were taught to be ruthless. Cruel. It was a virtue.I rose through the ranks, becoming a decorated captain like it was expected of me.”
“Then what happened? Because something did. You didn’t switch sides for nothing.”
Ulrek told her about finding out the Dominion had orchestrated his father’s demise and used it to garner support and donations and to inspire a new generation of recruits and how they had planned the same for him. Ulrek had been funneling credits and resources away so he could strike out on his own.
“But it wasn’t just that. I was starting to question everything I knew. After I left, I contacted my mother and told her the truth. I wanted to bring her with me. She didn’t believe me. She was more upset at the fact that I was no longer in the Goddess’ arms.”
“I’m sorry. Do you still believe in the Goddess? I’m guessing no since I haven’t seen you pray to her. At the hotel where they had me working before, everyone made a show of it, dropping to their knees dramatically every time the bell rang.”
“I don’t know when I stopped believing. I did all of the Dominion’s dirty work while the Favored sat in the palaces. I started to question what I’d been taught. Somewhere along the way, it became clear to me that the Dominion only wanted to spread the Goddess’ teaching to planets with resources they wanted.”
“Like Earth,” Delaney said. She narrowed her eyes at him. “Whichyouraided.”
“I did. By that time, I was already planning my escape. I couldn’t let my plan slip, and I needed the extra credit. So I followed my orders like the perfect mindless captain I was supposed to be. So, in that regard, I am every bit the villain you cast me. If I’d left early, I wouldn’t have been on theStellar Fortune. But all the Tallean in the outer planet would still hate me.”
“And if you’d left the Dominion early, what would’ve happened?”
“I probably would’ve died or gotten caught.”
And Tuhror, Kirek, Berus, and everyone else wouldn’t have gotten out, but Ulrek didn’t mention that. Those were their stories to tell, not his. The Dominion’s plan had included sacrificing part of Ulrek’s crew, the ones loyal to him. He’d promised to do anything in his power to get them out. The extra credits had been to ensure everyone got out alive. He hadn’t escaped and built an army on his own.
“What about Earth?”
