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Delaney made a strangled sound as he nipped at her throat. “Ulrek.” She pushed him away, scrambling off his lap. “I can’t think when you’re touching me. Please. I…I don’t hate you. But I think you know that.”
He did. But she hated herself for not hating him, and that was worse. “You feel guilty for enjoying your time with me.”
“Yes. And the only reason I feel guilty is because I still believe you are the villain. I haven’t forgiven you.”
“I can’t change the past, but if you demand I fly into the nearest star to earn your forgiveness, I will.” Whatever it took to make her happy.
Her eyes dropped to her hands. “I’m not sure that would work.”
Ulrek felt all his hopes crash and burn. “Then let me hold you and pretend for the next few days. Then I promise you’ll never need to see me again.”
Delaney's lips wobbled, and there were unshed tears in her eyes. “I’m afraid that won’t work either.”
“Then what do you want from me? I’m not a male to beg, but I’m on my knees for you.” And he was. He knelt beside her and dug his fingers into the couch, trying hard to ignore the voice in him that demanded he grab her, hold her, and love her.
“I heard you saved a bunch of humans from ending up in the inner planets recently.”
Ulrek blinked, surprised she was bringing this up. He knew more than anyone that it wasn’t enough. Nothing was ever enough. It was why he hadn’t told her about it.
“Yes. And no, I do not expect you to forgive me because of that. No one has, and no one will.”
“Why did you do it?”
“For revenge.” The rehearsed words came out so easily. “To spit in the Dominion’s face.”
There was a new look in her eyes, a calculated one, like she’d caught him in a lie. Ulrek had no idea what she thought she’d uncovered.
“I bet the Dominion hate that their turncoat is still messing up their plans after all these years.”
“Yes.”
“Except you didn’t do it as Ulrek. You did it as Uzzar. So the Dominion has no idea.”
Ulrek didn’t reply.
“And you told me you did those last runs on Earth for credits.”
“I did.”
“What were the credits for?”
“I needed to get away.”
“Where are those credits now?”
Ulrek frowned, not understanding where Delaney was going with this. “I spent them.”
“Berus said the Dominion was going to waste the part of your crew who were loyal to you, sacrifice them to pirates. You promised them you’d get them out. You used the credits on them and the new crew. You used it to reach Tahra, bring her out of the inner planets, and pay for her schooling.”
Ulrek set his jaws. “Tuhror is like a brother to me. Tahra is his only surviving blood. Berus, Kirek, Ckzarr are loyal, as are the others who now run the other ships in my fleet. And Vhast was just a youngster, barely out of the Academy. I couldn’t let them die because of me.”
He knew he was about to lose his mate forever because he couldn’t lie to her. “I regret hurting you. I regret hurting the people of Reka 5, both Talleans and humans. But I also know that if I were given the same choices, I’d do it all over again. For them. They’re my family. I’ll never regret saving them. I’d die for them.”
He waited for Delaney to tell him it was over. This was what she was waiting for, wasn’t it? For him to regreteverything? Wasn’t that what everyone wanted from him? That, and to die in a fire? But one look at Tuhror’s smug mug, Berus as he shoveled food into his mouth, or Vhast as he explored the outer planets with a grin, and Ulrek knew he’d never regret any action that led to them being here today.
But Delaney didn’t tell him to leave. She just nodded and said, “They are good people. I like them. I’m not asking you to regret saving them.”
Since he was laying his soul bare, he might as well tell her everything, even if she wouldn’t believe him. “I’m not proud of the things I’d done when I was part of the Dominion, especially after living in the outer planets and learning a new way of life. It wasn’t just taking humans from Earth. I have committed many more atrocities to the Talleans here in the name of the Goddess. Do I wish I could make up for what I did? Of course. But I know that’s not possible.”
