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I was willingly flaying myself open for him, surrendering my innermost feelings. But then again, so was he.
“Don’t take what they did out on me,” Lukas said, or cursed, rather. “I wish every day that it was different. Even if it meant losing you. I held back because I thought you felt trapped with me.”
The sheer ridiculousness of that statement made me jerk back. “Luke, never.”
“Then how could you leave for ayear? How could you leave after knowing what Nikolas’s abdication did to me?” Lukas’s eyes were wide, almost frantic. “Not to mention the fact that you were basically forced back here.”
There was the part that I hated the most. That what I’d done reminded him of Nikolas.
“I was going to come back.” It was a truth I’d hardly admitted to myself, let alone to him.
Lukas opened his mouth, then shut it forcefully. After a loaded look at me, he turned toward the door.
My hand flew to his arm, gripping desperately, on its own accord. “Where are you going?”
Lukas looked down at my hand, then back to my face. “I need time.”
“What? You’re leaving?”
Lukas let out a bitter laugh. “See, if you’d only had that reaction to the thought of leaving a year ago, we might be in a different situation.”
I retreated, pulling Lukas slightly off balance with the force of it. “Luke, leaving ripped my heart out.”
“I would have never made it out the door,” Lukas said. “That’s the difference between you and me.”
I shook my head. “You have no idea what people do when they are scared.”
“Is that what you were? Scared of me?” Lukas looked downright offended.
“Yes! I was scared that I'd falled for, that I'd trusted someone, who'd lie to me like that. The only thing I've ever been able to trust is my instincts. And to hear that you barely wanted me, only what I could give you—”
Lukas gripped my face in his hands, cutting me off. “I haveneverwanted anything less than all of you. Actually, no. I would be content with scraps of you if that’s whatyouwanted. If you had just talked to me, even if you screamed your head off, you would have known that.”
“So would I!” I grabbed onto his wrists with all the force my grip could manage. “That’s all I’ve thought since I’ve been back. That I would take part of you if that’s what you were willing to give. That if you did mean it the way I understood it, that I’d take it. Just to be with you. Luke, I—”
Lukas moved one of his hands to cover my mouth. His eyes closed, sucking in a large breath. Slowly, he lowered his hand, releasing me completely. “Daphne, I need to leave.”
“Why?” I whispered, half scared of the answer.
“Because if I stay, I might say something I don’t mean.” Then with an emotionless laugh, “Zeus knows we don’t need any more of that.”
“Like what?” I asked, unable to resist, like the urge to place my hand over hot coals and see if it burned.
“Like I’m not sure if I believe you.” Lukas’s mouth fell open, like the words left him against his will. “See…” Lukas broke off, dragging a hand down his face.
Oh, it burned alright. Like a scorching flame that seared my skin right down to the bone.
Lukas must have seen it on my face because he said, “Daphne, I barely survived that year without you. Nikolas, I could recover from, but you…I was a shell of myself. And hearing that all happened because of a miscommunication pisses me the fuck off. But what I feel for you hasn’t changed. So, yes, I need a second to calm down. I won’t lose you over something like that again.”
“Luke…I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“I’m sorry too, Daphne.” Lukas’s hand touched my face, and he regarded it like it was no longer a part of his body, able to move without command. “I’m sorry you had to hear that. I’m sorry you spent that year alone. But I can’t understand why you ran, not right now. I need to see if Icanunderstand it. Becausemylove would have never let me leave you like that.”
My mouth opened, but no words came. Only my hand, reaching after him as he walked away. It fell to my side, empty.
Lukas looked at me one more time, shaking his head and clenching his jaw, before he stormed out the door.
My chest was cracked open, fresh as the days after I fled. I didn’t know how to make him believe me. Because I couldn’t change what I’d done. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I regretted it. Because that was the only thing I could think to do in that state of panic.
