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‘When you told me you were going to get a housemate, I wasn’t worried, but thenshemoved in. I thought it might be good to have a girl around you. Instead, it got worse. One minute, I can’t come to your flat and you won’t pick up my calls; the next you’re keeping my favourite coffee at home, hugging me in the office and asking to get to know me. I know she is behind this. She sees you every day and is influencing you. When you called me, I rushed over like your fool; but you didn’t call me because you wanted to see me, did you? You called me because she wasn’t there. You couldn’t even get it up!’
All the people at least two tables deep around us have stopped eating and are staring at us. They might as well enjoy the show. I deserve this. Nicole isn’t done.
‘I tell myself I’m sick of it, but here I am, because you called. I wish you’d just left me alone when I asked but now, you’ve made me fall in love with you, Caleb. I know you hear me when I tell you, but you ignore it anyway.Je t’aime. I’m so in love with you, I will take you any way you will let me have you; but she’s poisoning you against me and I can’t tolerate that.’
An American woman next to us pipes up as she passes Nicole a tissue while throwing me a dirty look, encouraging her to, ‘Tell him, honey!’
Bloody Americans. I ignore it.
‘She’s doing something to you. You’re always protecting or defending her. We’ve been together for almost a year now and you’ve never defended me. In fact, whenever I’ve needed you, you’ve just rolled your eyes and said, “That’s just Nicole”. It’s not “just Nicole”. I’m a human being too! I cry. I hurt. I bleed, and I expect my boyfriend to defend me!’
I look at her, shocked. ‘Nicole, I’m not your boyfriend. We were never dating. We just hooked up once in a while.’
The collective ‘Oooooh!’ that comes from the immediate tables around us now has the whole restaurant paying attention. I hear a ‘what a dickhead,’ and ‘bastard’ from somewhere nearby. Londoners are so nosy.
Nicole suddenly tips her cappuccino over towards me and stands. The hot coffee burns my thigh and drenches my jeans, leaving me glued to my seat. The restaurant seems to come to a standstill.
‘Don’t look so surprised, Caleb. How do you English say it? Your chickens are roosting at home.’
She walks out with more attention than she got when she walked in. Only this time, the busybodies at the tables surrounding us are clapping so loudly, the whole restaurant joins in. It’s followed by boos when I leave. I know I’ve treated her badly. She’s better off without me.
The fallout is quick and effective. It’s only Monday, Nicole isn’t even in the office but new rumours about us are already spreading. Lara bursts into my office, unannounced, after lunch.
‘Why are you such a fucking liability?’ she says, slamming the door behind her.
‘Hello, Lara,’ I respond, deadpan. ‘What brings your delightful self in here?’
‘Listen, nitwit. Nicole seems to have told everyone in extremely graphic terms that you’ve been screwing Ariella for months. She’s now making a big song and dance about getting herself tested for a myriad of diseases.’
I look across the floor at Ariella. She has her headphones on and is blissfully typing away at her computer.
‘People believe it?’
‘Of course not. It’s Nicole, she’s nuts. No one believes Ariella would touch you with a bargepole.’
‘What’s the problem, then?’
‘The problem, you sociopath, is that if Ariella finds out it’ll devastate her. I already spent most of the morning talking her off the Jasper ledge. Jasperella is over and it needs to stay that way.’
This is news. She isn’t a Jasperella fan either. I cringe at using the term, even just in my head.
‘She must know what this place is like. It’ll die down.’
‘No, she doesn’t! This isn’t the first ugly rumour that has popped up about her. Think her promotions came without the usual misogynistic, “sleeping with the boss” rubbish? Who do you think has been keeping the fucking wolves at bay?’
‘Then do the same again.’
‘It wouldn’t be a problem if she didn’t live with a thicko who lands her in Nicole’s cross-hairs. Wanna tell me what you did?’
‘I finished with Nicole yesterday.’
‘You finished with that crazy bitch and you wandered into work today like nothing happened? Please say you’ve told Ariella?’
‘She wasn’t around—’
‘Do you have a death wish?’
I don’t know how to respond to that. Lara grabs the door handle.
