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‘You should’ve said something.’
‘I did. Just not to you.’ He rubbed his palm on his forehead and continued. ‘I spoke to Zach. He was literally zero help. He still childishly elbows me and winks whenever you’re around or your name comes up. Then, I spoke to Dahlia. She asked me to give it a few years and suggested there was a world out there that I hadn’t seen, filled with people I hadn’t met.’
‘Mommy knew?!’
‘Everyone knew.’ He sighed. ‘I thought about you a lot that first year at uni, but it was slowly ebbing. I finally managed to move on by the middle of the second year, but you showed up six months later and slammed me back to square one. Remember Sophia?
‘We’d been on and off since the first year, and finally something solid was happening. We were planning to travel together after graduation. That died less than two months after you arrived. My feelings for her just stopped. I did everything I could to revive them, but you were my kryptonite. After that, I couldn’t wait to graduate and get on a plane.’
Without realising it, I’d walked over, and was standing next to him at the kitchen counter.
‘Jas, I felt something too the night of your ball, and maybe I was a little clingy at university, and I’m sorry. It’s just really hard making new friends and not being friends with you makes me feel really alone. Can we find a way to stay friends? Please? You can’t just take it away. It’s cruel.’ I felt the tears brimming again.
‘Aari, you’re not listening. I don’t want to be friends. It’s been over six years since the Leavers’ Ball and nothing has changed. I’ve been in love with you since before that night, and it never stopped. It just hibernates when I don’t see you. Even yesterday in that ugly old dressing gown, covered in biscuit crumbs and looking ridiculous with your treatment cap on…It just came rushing back. I’ve tried everything to stay away from you. Nothing works.’
I could feel his exasperation.
‘Maybe you shouldn’t.’ I loved Jasper. Maybe I felt the same way. I felt something that night, and it stayed with me. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I didn’t want to lose him.
‘Don’t be ridiculous. Dahlia will adorn her ears with my testicles. You wanted to know, so I told you.’ He got up to leave. ‘I’m going to need that torch now.’
‘Don’t leave, Jas. Hold on.’ He grabbed the torch and I panicked. He couldn’t leave like this. ‘What if I told you I felt the same?’
He shook his head. ‘It doesn’t work like that. You can’t just summon it, Aari.’
I grabbed his hand, lifted as high as my toes took me and readied myself. ‘Okay. Kiss me.’
‘No, Aari. We can’t take it back if we cross that line.’
‘You’re such a chicken!’
I leaned forward, tilted my head up, closed my eyes and kissed him quickly, but gently, on his lips, to gauge his reaction. He didn’t kiss me back and, instead, looked at me like I was being obtuse. I persevered and leaned in again, leaving my lips on his. This time, I felt more confident when he kissed me back softly. When I retreated to look at him, his eyes refused to meet mine. I went in once more and felt him exhale into the kiss as his tongue gently found mine; and we settled, as if synchronised, into the kiss together. He pulled away slowly.
‘I feel like I pressured you into this.’ He searched my face.
‘No,’ I replied breathlessly, suddenly feeling shy.
‘Good, because I need you to be sure. Are you sure?’
I nodded, and his lips found mine once again. The joy that erupted from inside me enveloped us. I loved him.
After a while he stepped back to separate us. ‘I should go. Want to have lunch tomorrow? Like, on a date?’
‘Stay.’ I put my hand in his.
‘I can’t. Things have changed a bit.’ He smiled, put his hand through his hair and playfully pulled my onesie’s hood over my head.
I nodded as my tummy fluttered. ‘Did Zachary really tell you that he’d meet you here?’
He pulled his phone out of his pocket, opened up his text from Zachary and handed it to me.
Mate, god knows which weirdos Aari’s invited to this bash. Will be late, so swing round with some booze and stop her from cowering in the corner and ignoring her guests, would you? She’ll probably still be rolling around in her dressing gown. We can’t let her down.
‘I didn’t lie to you, Aari. I never have,’ he whispered. He put the phone back in his pocket, gave me a quick kiss and left.
I couldn’t stop smiling. I ran up to bed and tried to get to sleep, but my eyes wouldn’t shut. I’d spent my whole life around Jasper, and now I was jittery just thinking about him. I touched my lips. He kissed me back. The way I’d felt, kissing Jasper, was indescribable. I wanted to kiss him again. And again.
I sent a text to Zachary.
