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I have my Ariella back.
‘Okay…’
I flip on the TV and Ariella grabs a slice of pizza before she cuddles up to me. She’s asleep by the end of the second episode and I watch a third, enjoying the weight of her body asleep against mine. At some point, I too fall asleep for a short while, waking up to a dark apartment lit only by the TV screen. It’s only nine thirty. Today has been a good day and I am not going to push it. We can be like this for a while and take it slowly. All I need to do is be all the things Jasper wasn’t. I’ll be present, I’ll encourage her to do anything she wants, and I’ll be here to help her face the world. I kiss her head before I wake her.
‘Hey. Time for bed.’ I stroke her arm. She stirs and yawns.
‘What time is it?’
‘Quarter to ten.’
She sits up slowly as she stretches.
‘I’m sorry. I wasn’t a very nice person to you earlier, Caleb.’
‘I’m just glad you’re okay. Nicole isn’t going to get away with what she did, I promise.’
‘Please don’t do anything. I’ll speak to Lara about it.’
‘You know Lara’s handling of the situation will be much worse than mine, don’t you?’
We both laugh.
‘I have no choice. Nicole has involved her. Y’know, Lara and Jasper—’
‘I’d rather not talk about Jasper, Ariella.’ I’m tired of hearing his name.
I move her off me and, as I start to stand, she gently puts her hand on my arm to stop me.
‘I was just going to say—’
‘Were you thinking about him this weekend? When we were…together?’ I interrupt accusingly.
‘Caleb, I could barely string a rational thought together, let alone think about anyone else. I was completely consumed by you and everything else disappeared – that’s a little scary. You leave very little room for anything other than yourself. Unfortunately, it’s left us here.’
‘Here doesn’t seem like such a bad place to be. Does it?’ I ask, ready to lay my cards on the table. I am going to tell her.
‘No, but this isn’t just about me.’
‘Shouldn’t it be, though?’ I stroke her hair and she wells up. Yup, I am going to have to deal with Jasper whether I like it or not. He isn’t going anywhere. Damn it.
‘Also, I really hate wearing turtlenecks.’ She sighs. ‘They’re so uncomfortable. Lara said I looked like Steve Jobs.’
The laugh I produce explodes out of me; she joins in and we can’t seem to stop. It feels good, releasing the tension that has built up over the last few days. Her eyes are gleaming with laughter as she absent-mindedly touches her neck. I stay my hand.
‘Thank you for looking after me today, and for the yoga. It means more than you know.’ She’s sincere. I’m on the right track.
‘I just want you to be happy. If that’s yoga, tolerating Lara, finding you comfortable turtlenecks, making Jasper disappear, even if it’s only for a while…’
‘Thanks, but for the last bit I’m good.’
‘You sure? Because I heard I’m all-consuming.’ I raise an eyebrow and throw her a smirk.
‘Go consume elsewhere. You have plenty of options.’
‘I don’t want plenty of options.’ I meet her eyes.
‘Caleb…’
