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I don’t know why it touches me so much that he brought some dinner in for us, but it does. I lift up the duvet and encourage him in, then dive immediately on top of him to place my mouth on his. We spend the rest of the night snacking, having too much wine, laughing, talking and doing naughty things, until the sun comes up. We slip, almost too easily, back into the intense, indescribable intimacy we share when we are together and I relish the feeling.
I end up living in Caleb’s room for the rest of the week, and he is right: on Friday morning, I feel so riddled with guilt, that I want to cancel seeing Jasper.
THIRTY
CALEB
‘Are you okay? You seem a little tense,’ Ariella asks as the taxi takes a turn.
I nod, but I’m more than a little fucking tense. I am downright pissed off. She didn’t get back until just before 2a.m., because she was out with Jasper.
I was in bed when I heard the front door open. A soft knock on my bedroom door followed shortly afterwards, so I pretended to be asleep, willing her to go to her room. If she had come in, I would have been screwed, because it would have left me with only two choices. The first was to let her stay, basically reinforcing my approval of her hanging out with Jasper until 2a.m., which I am obviously vehemently opposed to. The second was to kick her out and deal with a very messy fallout, essentially taking us back to square one. Thankfully, she left.
I genuinely thought she was going to cancel dinner with Jasper. The last couple of days had left her covered in covertly placed hickies, which I proudly counted from bed as I watched her get into her yoga kit on Friday morning. I didn’t come away unscathed. My shoulders and back are covered with fingernail scratches, which I happily wear as a badge of achievement, as she likes to keep her nails trimmed short. I like the way they feel, especially when I have forgotten they are there and am reminded when I reach for something.
I saw the guilt infiltrate her whole body when we talked about Jasper on Thursday night, and I would have put good money on her cancelling. By Friday evening, I would have lost all my cash.
I woke up dreading tonight, a feeling intensified by the news that dinner was going to be at Lou’s because she wanted to cook to make amends, apparently. I went for a hard run to expend as much energy as I could.
When Ariella and I met in the living room to leave, she looked beautiful in the evening light. Her hair was swept into a loose bun from her make-up-free face and, even in her simple white V-neck tee, blue jeans and ballet flats, she looked regal.
Ariella interlaces her fingers in mine when we step out of the cab. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’
The minute our hands entwine, I feel every negative feeling fall away.
‘Yes, I’m fine. Just tired, that’s all.’
She rubs my hand between hers. ‘We have booze if all else fails.’
We walk into Lou’s Knightsbridge apartment building and announce ourselves to the concierge, who promptly calls up to confirm we are expected. He quickly hangs up the phone, escorts us to the lift and selects the appropriate floor once the lift cabin opens.
We step out of the lift on the top floor and see Lou standing in her open doorway, with Em beside her. They are all smiles as we walk towards them.
‘Hello, Ariella.’
‘Hi, Louisa.’ She smiles politely.
‘Caleb.’ Lou’s smile disappears.
‘Lou.’ I beam back at her. A scowl starts to form, but she keeps control of it.
‘Hi, Ariella.’ Em shoves her way past Lou and wraps herself round Ariella.
‘Hi, Em,’ she responds with the same enthusiasm.
I’m next for a hug. Em will help out tonight. As she hugs me, she quickly whispers that Lou’s sister and best friend will be joining us for dinner. Shit. There is no way the weekend that I slept with both of them isn’t going to come up. When Em releases me, Lou steps aside to let us in.
During the walk to the living room, I calculate that Lou’s apartment is about three times the size of mine. Well done, Jack. I smile to myself.
‘Hey, Caleb,’ Jack and Tim call just before we reach the living room.
They are both standing in a huge kitchen, next to a massive worktop, gesturing for me to join them. I hold up an index finger and follow the girls into the living room, which is framed by a huge terrace.
‘Ariella, can I talk to you?’ I ask, and she approaches me. ‘Lou, can I use your terrace?’
‘Sure, but shut the door – it’s freezing out there.’
I lead Ariella outside. ‘Things might get a little awkward tonight.’
