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‘Fifty-two, seventy-seven, thirty-seven.’
‘You don’t just hand your phone and code to anyone that asks.’
‘Why not?’
‘What if someone goes through your pictures?’
‘Why wouldn’t I want someone to go through my pictures?’
This chick is living in a different century. I don’t know where to begin, so I don’t bother. She has tons of messages.
‘You haven’t responded to anyone?’
‘It’s only been a couple of days. I haven’t looked.’
I swipe no to a couple of guys and my profile comes up. I look good in the photo, even if I do say so myself. I swipe right for fun.
‘Shall I select some matches for you?’
‘Sure.’ She starts sifting some flour into a bowl.
She doesn’t seem to mind, so I sit there vetting some good guys by picture and bio. She matches with almost all of them. Is this what it’s like for women on here?
‘What kind of guys do you like?’ I have gone through the obvious ones and am now looking further afield.
‘Someone kind.’
She places a cake tin into the oven and starts peeling some sweet potatoes. She didn’t just say that.
‘Seriously?’
‘Seriously. Someone nice, polite and lovely. If things don’t work out, they’d want to be friends.’
She’s bananas. ‘Do you know how Swipey works?’
‘Of course.’
‘The whole point of this is to go out on dates with people you might like, but don’t want to see again, if you catch my drift?’
She stops cooking and looks as if she is contemplating telling me something.
‘Go on, out with it.’
‘Okay, but you can’t judge me.’ She looks at me guiltily.
‘Don’t you know who you’re living with? I’m the last person to judge anyone.’
‘My ex-boyfriend is invited to my mom’s birthday in a couple of weeks and he’s bringing a date.’ She looks ashamed.
‘So you’re going to find someone, pretend you like them and make him jealous?’ She’s more cunning than I gave her credit for.
‘No. That’s not it. I don’t want to show up alone and make my mom’s party about me. But I also don’t want to make Jasper feel like I ran off with someone else. I need to find someone I can go with, just as friends. Honestly, I’ll be using them. Does that make me a horrible person?’
‘It makes you human,’ I say, going soft on her. Poor girl, she’s never going to survive out here in the wild.
‘You don’t think it’s cruel? It might hurt Jasper’s feelings.’
There’s that name again. Jasper. What a toffy name. Even the way she says it sounds like money.
