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Mommy checks to see if I am okay. I smile and nod, absent-mindedly rubbing my ring finger, yearning for the ring that isn’t there.
Jasper’s gift contains a note, which Mom begins to read. ‘Thank you for giving me a loving home when I so desperately needed one and for helping me to become the man I am today. Whatever the future holds, you will always be a mother to me. Your son, Jasper.’
Mommy can’t contain her tears.
I can’t help the tears that fall for my mother and Jasper. He is part of our family and always will be. I love him, I know I do. What is wrong with me?
‘I know we aren’t supposed to talk about it any more, but he really does need an explanation, Aari. He is our best friend and he’s in excruciating pain right now because of you. We can’t abandon him. Talk to him. Please?’ Zachary urges softly.
No one objects this time. Zachary is right.
After breakfast, the caterers and event designers move in. I cover up Mommy’s rose bushes to protect them, and help as much as I can. When I go up to my room for a nap, my mother arrives five minutes later and tells me to scooch over. There will be no napping. She gets in, extends her arm under my head and folds me into a cuddle.
‘Are you okay?’ she asks quietly as she strokes my forehead.
‘I miss him.’
‘Honey, I love Jasper, but neither of you should be unhappy.’
‘Do you think I made the wrong choice? Lara said I threw away “the dream”.’
‘You can’t stay with someone if you’re not happy. Maybe you could both use some time apart; there’s so much you haven’t experienced yet, baby. I’m not suggesting you be “that ho over there”—’
‘Mommy!’ I am shocked, but I can’t help laughing.
‘What? I know what a “thot” is.’ She laughs with me. ‘I’m serious, though. Life has maybe been a little too safe for you, and maybe you could use this time. Discover yourself, make mistakes, find what makes you happy – and if you go back, if youcango back, then just make sure it’s what you want.’
I arrive in a bathrobe as Daddy is getting kicked out of my parents’ bedroom. Isszy is sipping on some champagne and is already helping Mommy into a boat-neck, navy-blue fitted dress. Isszy’s own outfit is a flapper-inspired cream dress that looks beautiful against her iridescent chocolate skin.
I try on some of the dresses Isszy brought, but everyone insists that I wear the white column dress Lara and I bought. I complain about the lack of underwear, but am ignored. They eventually take pity on me and I borrow one of Mommy’s light shoulder wraps for modesty.
Isszy does our make-up, straightens my hair and makes Mommy look like a goddess, with navy eyes and nude lips. She gently puts some eyeliner and lip balm on me, leaving the rest of my face bare, and does the same for herself. As we come downstairs to Daddy and Zachary looking handsome in their fitted suits, I feel intense regret that Jasper isn’t there. The space he usually occupies, to the left of Daddy, is glaringly empty. This is my fault. I deserve this. Daddy extends both his arms and takes Mommy in one and me in the other, then leads us to the waiting limousine without a word.
When we arrive at dinner, the very first face I see is Jasper’s. He is standing in a corner, champagne in hand, talking to the girl I presume is his date. She is strikingly beautiful in a little black dress that clings to every curve of her stunning body. Jasper catches me staring and I offer him a small smile. He returns it and carries on speaking with her.
‘What’s happened there then?’ my father’s sister, Aunty Kim, says a little too loudly in her broad Cumbrian accent, jabbing her thumb in Jasper’s direction.
‘It didn’t work out.’
‘Please tell me you brought a date?’
‘No. It wouldn’t be acceptable to do that, Aunty Kim.’
‘Too right, Aari. Too bloody right.’ She shoots him a disapproving look.
During dinner, I try not to look at him, but each time my eye wanders over there he is deep in conversation with Katherine, ignoring my end of the table. She is touching him, a lot. The five sumptuous courses seem to speed past and just before dessert, Mommy gets up to make a speech.
‘I’m the luckiest woman alive. I’m the wife to a loving husband and a mother of four. I’ve been on the receiving end of the kindest, most generous people; and when I left my family and the sunshine all those years ago, I had no idea that love, friendship and a new family could be found in the middle of all this grey and rain.’
Everyone laughs.
‘Hugh, there has only ever been, will only ever be, you. You are my soul, my light, my anchor and my love. I would never have become the person I am today without you. You are the centre of my everything.
‘Zachary, you have taught me so much about truth and integrity, and, even though it is glaringly obvious we’re getting nowhere with teaching you diplomacy and subtlety, I wouldn’t change you for the world.
‘Isszy, thank you for being born and thank you for being the only person, it seems, that Zachary listens to and is, quite frankly, terrified of. Your spirit, kindness and iron fist is very welcome in this family and I’m so grateful for you.
‘My baby Aari. You are my best friend, my confidante, and I’m so thankful that you’ve given me the privilege of seeing the world through your eyes. My life is more innocent, warmer and richer because of you. Your heart is pure and, even when your soul is troubled, your relentless grip on hope is an astonishing thing to witness. Finally, to my second son, Jasper.’
