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She’s not getting it.
‘They don’t give a shit. I’m just the idiot that keeps the lights on and pays the bills. We raised ourselves. Curtis found his family by joining a gang and Kayleigh keeps trying to find love in places where everythingotherthan love exists.’
She lets out a gasp. Yes, she understands that.
‘How did you manage to…?’ She struggles. Bless her. At least she’s beginning to ask the right questions.
‘By ten, I was amazing at numbers and making quite a bit of money dealing. People that would do anything to score were everywhere. I had the face of a choirboy, I was selling to my whole neighbourhood and keeping the roof over my family’s head, because my brother kept getting caught. Instead of trying to stop it, when my parents found out, they set targets.’
‘Caleb! At ten?’ Ariella picks at her beer label.
‘I was exceptional at it. I even had a party trick. I used to be able to weigh a bag of weed in my hands. Impressive, but an ultimately useless talent.’
‘How did you stop?’
She reaches out to touch me. I pull away; she notices and retracts her hand quickly.
‘Another beer?’ I offer so it doesn’t get awkward. She nods. I send her a subliminal message as I grab another for both of us and return:Don’t feel sorry for me, Ariella, that’s not why I am telling you this.
‘Jerry McCracken. He spent his every waking moment shouting at the kids on the street. We called him Jerry McCrackhead. He shopped me to the police. He didn’t just point the finger, he enlightened them as to when, where, how, who – the whole shebang. They threw me in with the really nasty adult offenders for one night and, by the next morning, I was a frightened wreck. I spent the night praying the guard didn’t go to sleep.
‘Jerry came to get me the very next day. I never went to court, but ended up working on Jerry’s market stall every chance I got. The sergeant said if I missed a day of school, or work with Jerry, I’d go right back in the cells.
‘It was on Jerry’s stall that I realised that I was a good salesperson. He basically became my father. He would banish me from the shop floor to handle stock in the back if I didn’t do well at school, and if I passed he’d leave the stall in my care. When I got into university, Jerry cried. I studied for my degree and worked with him in my spare time. When other students were at the student union getting drunk, I’d be down at Jerry’s market stall, learning. When I graduated, I got a job and moved to London…Why are you crying?’
‘I just can’t believe you went through that. Where’s Jerry now?’ She produces a handkerchief.
‘Still in Liverpool, still trading.’
‘Are you still in touch?’
‘Yes and no. He’s not pleased with me at the moment.’
‘Why?’
‘A while back, I made a ton of money and thought it was going to last for ever. I bought him a high street shop and a flat in a new development. He was insulted and didn’t want any of it, so I rent the shop and the flat, and the proceeds go to his wife. Jerry’s a proud man but I figure it’s only a matter of time.’
Her face brightens a little. She sees a happy ending. ‘Have you spoken to your parents about your childhood?’
What did she think this was? One of those American shows where everyone has a therapist and loves to talk about their feelings?
‘Too much damage has been done and too much time has passed. It would also be a waste of time. Back when I still thought there was hope, I bought them a four-bedroom house in the same development near the docks, just to get them out of Toxteth. I managed to get them to pack up and move there, debt-free.
‘Within two months, my brother had stripped the place clean. After complaining that it wasn’t the shithole I grew up in, they moved back to the old house. Now, I rent the house out to my sister and use the money to pay their bills.’
‘Wow.’
‘Yes, Little Miss Silver Spoon. People actually have to work for a living.’
‘Hey, I work for a living.’
‘Yes, but you don’t have to.’
‘Yes, I do. I’m not any less entitled to my independence. Everyone has a right to find their own way.’
I’ve hit a nerve. It’s cute that she believes that. I concede, because I am too tired to argue about the desire to be independent versus the necessity to ensure your survival. Another day, maybe.
‘You’re right. I suppose I know what it’s like to work for every penny.’
