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‘Please don’t play the “of course not” card with me. I know I’m not the only one.’ Nicole is actually serious.
‘Bloody hell! I’m not sleeping with her.’
‘Good. You better not be, or planning to either. Not that I can imagine why you would want to.’ She shivers, as if repulsed. She catches me watching her, shifts her body and quickly transforms back to vixen. ‘So, are you free tonight?’
This girl is killing me.
‘No, I’m not. And for the hundredth time, can we not do this at work?’ I ask, frustrated, handing her a sheet of paper.
She takes it and scans it, confused.
‘We’re meant to be working?’
Finally, she gets it. She throws her head back, laughing. I wasn’t going for hilarity.
‘Caleb, everyone knows we’regood friends. Let me know if you change your mind about meeting later. There might be a little surprise waiting for you.’ She gets up, winks and leaves.
I immediately regret my hasty rejection. Her little surprises are always immensely good fun.
Yup, Nicole is trouble.
THREE
ARIELLA
I have to move fast. The minute the clock on my computer flashes 17:00, I grab my jacket, wave goodbye in Lara’s general direction and make my way into a waiting black cab.
I can’t stop fidgeting as we whizz through London’s West End, joining bus lanes wherever possible. We turn off Tottenham Court Road and I wait impatiently for the car to stop in front of the beautiful three-storey townhouse in Fitzroy Square. I jump out, ask if the driver is happy to wait for the third time in as many minutes, and run up the steps to the front door. My hands are trembling so much, it takes four tries to get the key into the lock.
I run up two flights of the large, winding staircase until I reach the master bedroom. I dart across it, straight into the walk-in closet, and yank out my suitcase. I have been thinking about this day for a while and it dawns on me that I’ve been subconsciously planning my exit. All my shirts are neatly folded on one shelf and my trousers and skirts are hanging together, ready to be lifted into the case.
My underwear tips easily from the single drawer it resides in, and in the bathroom all I have to do is put my toothbrush in my washbag and zip it up. I toss my shoes into a jute bag and grab both my handbags. Seven minutes – good. I rush down the stairs, out of the door and into the cab. Just as the driver pulls off, I beg him to stop. I run back into the house and find our little noteboard. I grab the Sharpie from the fridge door and a Post-it, and scribble quickly.
I love you, I’m sorry, but I just can’t. Aari x
I remove my engagement ring, placing it next to the keys I’ve left on the counter, before hurrying back to the waiting taxi. I am burning in hell for this.
Walking out on Jasper, my best friend, soulmate and fiancé, is devastating. Aside from my parents and brother, Jasper is the only other permanent fixture in my life. We lived next door to each other all our lives and for as long as I can remember he was always at our home, running around, pretending to be Indiana Jones.
My mother referred to him as her third child, regularly telling the story of how Jasper, at three, would insist on sleeping over to guard the baby. I still remember being five and biting him so hard he cried. I’d lost my two front teeth and had a point to prove. Even during the extended session on the naughty step imposed on me as punishment, he sat with me most of the time, and snuck me cookies from the kitchen under his Indiana Jones hat.
Jasper was supposed to be my brother’s best friend, but I always felt that he belonged to me. It was difficult to fit in with the chatty, relaxed children at school and I felt much more secure hanging out with Jasper and my brother, Zachary, who regularly and actively pretended I didn’t exist. Zachary would behead my dolls and hide my toys, but Jasper was always kind to me.
So, when Jasper invited me to their boarding school leaving ball because he didn’t have a date, it was no surprise. My parents were concerned – I was only fifteen – but Jasper just explained that he could hardly take my brother. I had to endure extended birds, bees, crown jewels, milk- and cow-purchasing metaphors for what seemed like hours from my mom; but I was eventually given the green light.
At the ball, Jasper stayed at a distance, but kept a watchful eye in my direction and, every once in a while, came over to check that I was okay. Zachary disappeared five minutes into the evening after a quick and distracted, ‘Don’t get pregnant. Stick close to Jasper.’
At the end of the night, Jasper pulled up at my home, helped me out of the car and walked me in. With the house lights off, we walked clumsily into the dark hallway. When my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I discovered that my face was merely inches away from his.
After what seemed like for ever, he leaned in, gave me a hug and whispered, ‘I’m glad you came with me tonight, Aari,’ into my hair. He pulled away smiling, asked me to lock the door behind him, then walked out of the front door quickly without looking back.
Jasper was hardly around that summer. After their results came through he went to Bristol to study archaeology, while Zachary went to UCL to study law. While he was at university, Jasper was more of a constant in our home than Zachary, never missing birthdays and visiting during the holidays. Two years later, I got early admission into Bristol. It was the exact course I wanted, and I knew Jasper could show me around while the other freshers were finding their feet.
Jasper was in his final year, so we didn’t get to see much of each other, but we promised to have dinner once a month. When Jasper cancelled the third dinner in a row, I stopped trying and so did he.
The distance between us grew and neither of us tried to do anything to stop it. When his twenty-first birthday came around, I attended the mandatory family dinner and binned the invitation to the unsupervised party for his friends at his house the week after. By the time Jasper graduated, we barely saw or spoke to each other. In the graduation picture we were forced to take, we stood side by side, trying not to look at each other; we both wore cold, toothless smiles with a gap as wide as the Grand Canyon between us.
The very next day, Jasper packed his bags and went travelling for two years. He just left. He sent a group email to everyone once a week and a postcard once a month, filling us in on his adventures, but I very quickly learned to read between the lines. He filled the screen and card with words, but told us nothing.
